Sunday, January 4, 2009

ίππος λευκός, or Liam, First Horseman Of The Apocalypse


Every weekend we go grocery shopping with the in-laws. Today Supreme Leader had to work so instead of going home after finishing up with father-in-law, the boys and I waited at the in-laws so we could pick her up when she was done.

I'm lying on my sister-in-law's bed watching TV (her room is a gathering point in the house since it has a computer and a TV that's not showing Chinese soap operas or variety shows)... and I know I had some more sentence that was supposed to follow those parentheses but I suddenly remembered some fresh gingerbread men came home with us and now I'm thinking a few of those bastards need to be drowned in hot chocolate and sent to a better place, like my stomach. Hold on.

GBM: Hey! This type of interrogation is clearly banned by the Geneva Convention!
Me: Interrogation? I think we have a misunderstanding, my gingerbread friend.



GBM: Aaaah! You bastard!



Where was I? Right, so there I am, watching CNN trying to increase ad revenue off Israel's push into Gaza when Liam walks into the room and crawls up onto the bed. Then he carries on climbing up my legs until he's lying on my chest. Liam who has pretty much only heard three words from his parents for the last two weeks, "cover your mouth." Pestilence then reaches out and pulls my mouth open, leans forward and COUGHS STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH! What do you even say to that?!



And he eats furniture.

PS. The gingerbread men look like The Fly because the boys decided that M&M's weren't big enough and demanded Auntie use Smarties instead.

51 comments:

  1. Oh no, you're next to get the plague. And furniture is way cheaper than food these days.. you can pick plenty of crap up at a good garage sale. Smart kid, looking out for his parents in the tough economy. You should thank him.

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  2. OK. So there was some information I didn't need to possess....

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  3. Haaaaaaaaahahah! Thats hilarious, I though Liam might have just been some kind of pet!
    The nicest post I read today, and would you believe I've been through alot of 'em?

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  4. You obviously haven't taught kindergarten.......
    these kinds of things occur on a DAILY basis. Thank GOD i am wonder woman, or I'd be sick every damn day.

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  5. first it was clowns
    now it is ginger bread men
    i make mine without any lil heads
    as that is what we cut off first anyway.

    mooooohhhhhaaaahhhhaaaaaa!

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  6. Those are some creepy GBM. They need to be destroyed fast.

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  7. HahhahahahahhHAH! Okay, I don't know why I found that so funny. Good visual. Like a mini zombie, but spreading disease instead of eating brains.

    Or tables.

    Start popping the Vitamin C & echinacea.

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  8. Dude, that is just karma coming back to kick you in the ass after what you did to those poor Gingerbread men.

    Liam must have sharp teeth to be able to bite through furniture that way, impressive!

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  9. I love the stream of consciousness writing in your post. Does your brain work like that all the time?And I love the Durer engraving- very appropriate given what you did with GBM!

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  10. How many GBM and clowns must die?? Oh the humanity!

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  11. What do I even say to that? AAAIIIIIEEEEWWWW! (spit, spit, cough) DEFCON 5! DEFCON 5! PERIMETER BREACH, INFECTIOUS AGENTS HAVE CROSSED THE DECONTAMINATION LINE! *BrawwnnkBrawwnnkBrawwnnk*

    Did you ever see 'The Andromeda Strain'? Yeah, it makes me feel like THAT.

    Oh, and tell the gingerbread men, it isn't interrogation so much as 'reeducation and cleansing' in a Maoist sort of way...

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  12. OooH! Coughing into the mouth..that's beautiful. Just found your blog..I'll be back! (That's not like a threat or anything)

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  13. Yeah, when my niece Sadie was in nursery school, I referred to her as my Beautiful Jar Of Poison, or Typhoid Sadie. Kids that age are like walking cesspits. Walking cesspits that want to lick you.

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  14. LMAO I'm sorry I almost spit my tea out when I read about the cough in the mouth. Still giggling! And I love the Seth Brundle inspired GBM..lol

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  15. That's the funniest thing I have read all morning! YUCK!! Right in your mouth? Gross!!! I think I would have had a heart attack!!! I think eating wood is a cure for certain serious forms of creeping crud. Maybe you'd better start out with a few bites to ward it off! LOL! Blessings, Lisa

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  16. I would like to have an occasion to have Albrecht Durer as a label in my blog.

    Also, were the Gingerbread/Flies saying, "eat me! eat me!"

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  17. What do you say to that?

    I call that true love, brother. Sharing is the first step to peace and harmony...

    should have THAT on CNN to show 'em how it's done.

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  18. Make sure he sticks to all natural brands like Ikea. I'd hate to see the little fella get all sickly from the stuffing in a La-a-boy.

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  19. Don't you feed that kid? Better be careful, there's lots of fiber in there.

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  20. I've got to be honest with you. The blue eyes on that gingerbread man kind of freaked me out. I think I might have nightmares of him chasing me.

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  21. Sigh. Evil genius and super cute. You're doomed. Sorry, still laughing about the coughing straight into your mouth bit!

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  22. Maybe he has a future in woodworking? Custom furniture made with his mouth? The only words Henners has heard over the past two weeks is "Henry! Don't punch your little sister!" That kid's done some hard time in solitary time out recently. And since he's just turned four, his time outs are even longer minute wise. Also, those cookies look delicious. They make the chocolate chip ones I made look quite sad. Another also, one time the husband and I stayed in Vegas and wound up missing dinner reservations because we got hooked on Asian soap operas. We had no clue what was going on with the story line, but the dramatic pauses and extreme close ups made us roll with laughter.

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  23. You are so getting the plague. Muahahahaha!

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  24. That poor gingerbread man! I'm calling the authorities! The press! someone to tell the world what an evil beast you are.

    Ah...never mind...you'll be in a bubble with some weird disease in about a week. It's already been taken care of by justice.

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  25. Well, at least he didn't puke into your mouth.... no amount of GBM and hot chocolate can ever make that okay.

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  26. That was most certainly payback for the gingerbread men. Kids make these awesome little dudes. You go around dunking them in hot liquid and biting heads off.

    You consistently make me laugh. ALL THE TIME. Man Canadians are funny.

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  27. Hyperthyroidism? I mean...dang!...those eyes.

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  28. Please...I'm scared...Make them stop looking at me...

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  29. not sure what is funnier...the post, or some of the comments - yeah, i thought hyperthyroid on the eyes as well...and perhaps Liam is teething?? gnaw those baby teeth down so the real chompers can come in?? but coughing IN your mouth?? I just wanna know what you did THEN!

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  30. My kid does that as well, WTF???
    Isn;t the youngest in the Series of Unfortunate Events a biter??

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  31. I am so glad you clarified the reason of the eyes on the Gingerbread men.. I was creeped out.. :)

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  32. I love it (read: hate it) when they do that coughing directly into your mouth shit.

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  33. OMG! LOL!!!
    I love the bug eye-d gingerbread men. Although I dont think most American's know what Smarties are...well the Smarties we eat in Canada I mean.

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  34. I hope you fend of the plague. Seriously. And our snow turned to rain last night, and was almost entirely gone this morning. School started on time (yay!).

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  35. haha, awesome crazy-eyed gingerbread men. I would totally sell one of my kidneys for one right now since I am working on shedding these pesky 30 (OK, 50) pounds that have crept on. Don't let me have one OK? Even if I beg or offer sexual favors...

    Sorry about the cough in your mouth. I am totally sympathetic because we have all had the plague and I am pretty sure I got it from my daughter picking her nose and shoving the booger in my mouth. True story. Disgusting, but true.

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  36. Oh yuck! Right in your mouth? Gross!!

    I miss smarties.... I use to get them all the time in Windsor. But now you need a passport and a DNA test to cross the bridge so I haven't been there in a while.

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  37. Thanks for the link -

    I loved it!!!!!

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  38. Bwhahaha...that's too funny. On the bright side, it wasn't a sneeze.

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  39. Oh dear! And I just posted pics of Peanut covering her mouth while sneezing.
    I may have drilled this habit into her after getting sneezed in the face one time too many...

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  40. OMG! ROFLMFAO!

    Where do the geniuses get these grand ideas? Just when you think you've got them sorted, they up and, well, cough in your mouth. On purpose.

    Good luck with staying healthy.

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  41. you mean that the plague causes you to eat furniture? my mr. gingerbread man, what big EYES you have. the better to see you dunk my head in some brown shit & eat me, my dear. haha i crack myself up. at least i crack one person up, eh? :)

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  42. I love my little boyfriend, Liam... even if he could be starting a pandemic or something.
    GBM look YUMMY!!!

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  43. If you had given your children
    the Gingerbread Men instead of
    eating them yourself, Liam
    probably wouldn't have to eat the
    furniture!

    Remember to teach him that you
    don't cough into Nana's mouth,
    cos she's old and will probably
    keel over.

    m

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  44. HAHAHAHA! Hilarious!

    Love the gingerbread men, and I, also, have a sweet tooth for the culinary confections...
    but never seen a couple look so 80s! Happy New Year!

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  45. oh dude that is nothing! wait until they get older - my 7 year old does the grossest stuff and she is a girl!

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.