Monday, November 3, 2008

Origin Of The Species

*Oops, I forgot to post Friday's picture theme! Halloween costumes. Send them in! Little kids, big kids, you or someone you don't like. Whatever.

So you're wondering to yourself, self, how did Captain Dumbass get his name? Well Self, let me tell you... wait... you didn't even think twice about it, did you? Did you? Right. You (and by you I mean everyone who reads this who isn't male) just assumed it was a pet name from Supreme Leader. Something I earned just on the basis of being a man. Uh huh. I see you smirking, don't think I can't. Well you're wrong! She has much nastier names for me. I mean nicer.

The truth is I stole it off my brother. You know when you first sign up for your blog you're all excited and just want to get going and then they start asking you all these questions like what you want to call your blog and your ID and yadda yadda yadda and then you spend ALL that time punching in titles that you think would be really cool but turn out to be taken already over and over and over again and then you start getting desperate and punch in any old thing and give up as soon as something is finally accepted so you can GET PAST THIS DAMN PAGE!? Or was that just me? And was that a real sentence? Where was I? Oh ya, so Captain Dumbass and my brother.

Want to see what he looks like?

Clean him off and he's not half bad. Because he hasn't approved this post (because I haven't asked him) I'll make up a name for him. Let's call him Erin. His real name sounds exactly like that only it's spelled differently. His lovely wife's name? We'll call her...ycarT. Ya. Complete anonymity.

Where am I going with this, you ask? Well, now that I'm doing this damn NaBloPoMo and I actually have to write a post everyday rather than just blather on about whatever and upload a picture or two, I'm worried about not having anything to write about. As I was sitting in traffic today I started thinking about things I could write about. Explaining 'Captain Dumbass' seemed like a good idea and I could make fun of my brother at the same time. If you can't humiliate your family, what good are they?

My brother and his old boss had a great relationship and they would have a lot of fun at work. He enjoyed sneaking up on her and scaring the bejesus out of her whenever he could. One day, while she was on the phone, he decided to jump into her office and land hard on his feet to make a lot of noise. Great idea in theory. Unfortunately he didn't judge his jumping off point quite so well and instead of leaping into her room, he leapt before he got into the doorway and drove his head into the upper door frame. The scaring part worked great! He collapsed into the door then stumbled around her office clutching his head and bleeding like the proverbial stuck pig. He tried to laugh it off but apparently the blood pouring down his face and all over her office, not to mention actually being able to see his skull kinda' ruined the whole thing. I don't know, I still laugh about it now. Not everybody has a sense of humour.

Anyway, this story had absolutely nothing to do with 'Captain Dumbass', that was just something my brother used to yell at stupid drivers, still, it's a funny story.


  1. yeah. it was damn funny! hahaha. I love it when a stupid trick goes bad!!

  2. Great story. Explains a lot. Sort of! Actually, it almost made me farpu! (Yeah, totally would've believed it).

  3. I'll make you a deal. You e-mail me a question for tomorrow's post, and I'll e-mail you one. Topic covered, we just have to BS our way through the answer! Any other MaBlowMeMo people want in? We could make it a 3-way exchange! Or 4...this is getting kinky! All assuming the Cap'n. is willing.

  4. I can't believe you stole your identity from your brother. Please don't open credit cards in my name, I can't deal with another stolen identity. Hope your brother didn't require stitches, he's such a Captain Dumbass. But so are you. Ok now I'm confused.

  5. Well I guess it is better than being called Captain Dickhead...which is what a friend of mine called her boyfriend.

  6. God! I hated that pick a name, user ID, password, 1st born child, shoe size, what are you making for dinner page. That's why mine is so lame. It put me on the spot. I can't think under that kind of pressure.

  7. So, if your brother is really Captain Dumbass, are you technically the first mate?

  8. I think it's totally apropos. Hahahahahahahahahahaha! I still think it's a name SL gave to you.

  9. Classic. Classic. A post about something and nothing. This is why I stop by and lurk you. This is why I have molded tiny clay figurines in you and your family's likeness. This is why I sometimes hack into your system late at night. This is why I sit and cry when you don't comment at my place. This is why I love it over here.

  10. Nothing like open skull wounds to start off the week....excellent job!!

  11. I think I love your brother...that story is most awesome. I'm curious though if you at some point also encountered a head injury? It would explain a lot. :)

  12. vm-they're always funnier than the ones that work.

    dm-heh heh heh, it's all in the delivery.

    maw-I'm in

    casey-that's terrible. I used to work in for a bank so I'm paranoid about that kind of thing. I'm more into stealing you soul and then taking over your body and your life. Oops... just joking, heh heh.

    kat-um, ya. I'll keep dumbass.

    michelle-I know! I should have taken more time.

    sprite-but I'm older. Which could make my Admiral Dumbass...

    md-you would!

    jbg-when have I EVER not commented on your site... aside from the year before I found your blog, but I don't think that counts. Who commented on who's site first?

    cameron-a head wound is always good for a laugh.

    stiletto-many. I think...

  13. dang, I read your post and when I get to the end, I laugh but have no reason why.......
    explains a lot yet explains nothing........ Guess I can not get back the 2 minutes I spent reading this, oh well.....

  14. Dang. Because of the time change I'm up at what I consider to be a crazy hour of the morning, but still. 14th.

    Great story. I love this longer posting thing you got going on. Plus now, I have something new I can yell at people who cut me off on the road. And every time I yell it I'll think of you.

  15. Don't forget your little sister is on here :) he he he, I could tell them all stories that would fit in the "captain Dumbass" category.... so you'd better be nice or I'll open up another blog called Memoirs of a Dumbass" Don't forget I have pictures too, not cute little baby ones like our loving mother adds, I'm talking akward teen years!!!! AH HA HA HA HA HA.....thank you for introducing me to your lil sis!

  16. I call my husband captain underpants.

  17. that was absolutely totally hilarious....the blood pouring down his face....Haaaa! Haaa! It's like watching Funniest Home videos when people get hit in the crotch.

    Great stuff...

    Seriously. Your a jerk.

    Making fun of family like that. I never, ever, ever, do that. Ever.



  18. Yes, I had that very same problem. With the blogger page, not with the head-bashing. Generally my head-bashing involves standing up into the freezer door because I forgot I left it open whilst unloading groceries. You'd think I would learn that lesson eventually, wouldn't you?

  19. Wait, we actually have to post a STORY for this thing? I thought we just had to have a blog entry. Uh oh. I might FAIL at this.

    Will the real Captain Dumbass please stand up, please stand up, please stand up... :D

  20. There is hardly anything as Side-Splittingly funny than someone Elses blood.

    Unless it's one of the Kids.

    Then it's just Moderatly funny.

  21. My bil walked into a pole before my sil's graduation... he missed the ceremony because he had to go get stitches. I'll give him your brother's number... they have lots in common.

  22. best laugh of the day. thank you, captain dumbass.

    and i totally knew that name was NOT from your wife. it had to be self-induced. know why? womens has too much of the class for such tomfoolery.

  23. Also? I sooooo commented on your site first. Do you mean ever? Like ever, ever? It was a warm Sunday afternoon, I told you I loved your Klingons (mind out of gutter). Then you promised a post dedicated to me because of inspiration. Then there was the whole Peter Cetera quoting, then we pinkie swore to be BFFs. THAT'S how so remember it!

    But, if you meant who commented on whom today, then I don't have a leg to stand on.

  24. Okay so I have to say that today is the first time I read your blog, so I must comment. Isn't that like a rule or something? Anyway. I always hear GoodFather talking about you, and I had to come over and see who this Captain Dumbass is, because what a great name for a blog, random though it may have been.

    So. Cool blog. And happy NaBloPoMo or whatevs. :-)

  25. Damn it, I thought it just said 30 posts in 30 days, and that's all it's getting. I didn't hear anyone mention anything about them having to be good.

  26. You Are a Dead Man!!!!! Let's Hope "erin" doesn't see this. Bad Captain Dumbass, Tearing Away a Special Moment in his Life with...WhatsHerName as his bride.
    Hey I never gave You permission to show my special lantern!!!!

  27. Awesome fun! Thanks for sharing the story.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.