And Also? Alex Trebek

That's right friends and neighbours, it's Thanksgiving up here. I'm out of town for the long weekend so I've got the wonderful and vitriolic Jennifer of Blissfully Caffeinated running the shop today. Once you're done here I highly recommend heading over to her house, you won't regret it. Bring some ant killer if you've got any. Trust me, she'll appreciate it.



So, when Captain Dumbass asked me to guest post on his blog I was all, "Woo Hoo!" 'Cause I've never guest posted before and I felt kind of like an Academy Award nominee; you know, it's a thrill just to be nominated and whatnot. Or asked to guest post, as the case may be.

But then when it came time to actually write the post I freaked out a bit. Because I usually don't plan out posts and write them up in advance. Shocking, I know, because my posts are always so well written and thoughtfully organized *cough* but the truth is, I usually just make the shit up as I go.

I thought, being that this is a man's blog, and a very manly man at that (pink sidebar award bling notwithstanding), I should refrain from discussing my menstrual period, boobs, sex, hairstyles, childbirth and cosmopolitans. Which takes a big chunk out of my usual subject matter.

But then I took a good look at the email the Captain sent over when we were discussing my guest spot. He wrote, "If you're feeling up for a challenge, the 13th is Thanksgiving up here..."

This will be posted on Canadian Thanksgiving Day. I have to be honest; I didn't actually realize that Canada had a Thanksgiving holiday. In October, no less. But I'm glad they do. Because I am thankful for many, many Canadian things. You know, I think that we Americans tend to take Canadians for granted. It's like comic Kathleen Madigan says:

I went up to Canada for the weekend and, you know, Canada is like America's attic: you never go up there but when you do, it's like, 'Hey, look at all this cool shit up here!'

And there really is a whole lot of cool shit up there. My most cherished Canadian, of course, is Captain Dumbass himself, who makes me laugh every day with tales of his little boys and wife. He openly acknowledges his wife as Supreme Leader, which I love, admire, and wish I could persuade my own husband to do.

Some other Canadian things I would like to give thanks for:

* "You Can't Do That On Television," a TV show that some of you may remember from Nickelodeon (before it became Nick). We got cable at my house in 1983 and my brother and I were immediately hooked on Alisdair, Motormouth, and the concept of splashing buckets of green slime on people whenever they said, "I don't know." Then, from the wellspring of talent at YCDTOTV emerged another Canadian sensation that I greatly admire...
* Alanis Morrisette, without whom the year 1996 wouldn't have been quite the same.
* Also, Ryan Reynolds, because, well, he's SMOKING HOT.
* Ice. Who doesn't love ice? Canada seems to have an overabundance of ice in places, and I'm sure that if anarchy does take hold, we would be able to borrow (or boarow, in some provinces) ice from our friendly northern neighbors. Because even during anarchy, I will want some crushed ice in my drink.
* The word "aboot." I've been trying to get "aboot" to take hold here in California, with limited success. So far it's just my two kids that will talk to me aboot it.
* Trivial Pursuit. Canadians claim Trivial Pursuit as one of their many famous inventions (along with the Telephone, Television, and AM Radio). While I'm not exactly sure how they can claim the Telephone as a Canadian invention, T.P. does seem to have been invented by Canadians. I am a Trivial Pursuit fanatic and greatly enjoy crushing people with my knowledge of meaningless facts. So thanks, eh.

But, while I love Captain Dumbass with all my heart, I have to admit there are a few Canadian exports that I wouldn't mind sending back to the giant snowy chesterfield up north. Here they are, in no particular order:

* Celine Dion. Seriously, we're sick of her.
* Rick Moranis.
* k.d. lang
* Avril Lavigne
* Corey Haim (how has he not been deported?)
* Bridge Mix
* Hockey
* Curling - Can it really be considered a sport?

Canadian Thanksgiving Day is kind of different from American Thanksgiving day. It was first celebrated by a man named Martin Frobisher, and when I read that I thought, why would the Canadians care about that guy? What has he ever done besides interviewing Princess Diana? But then, I kept searching for facts and realized that I was confusing Martin Frobisher with Martin Bashir. Big difference.

I also read that Canadians eat duck in their igloos on Thanksgiving Day and then follow up their meal with a rousing round of Curling. That might not be accurate, either. You can't trust Wikipedia, you know.

The Captain, being the highly patriotic Canadian that he is, is spending the Canadian Day of Thanksgiving in Seattle. I'm sure he's giving thanks right now for the bountiful harvest that Canada has been blessed with and also the bountiful coffee beans that the northwestern United States is blessed with.

But that's OK, Captain, not to worry. In gratitude for this guest post, I'll take up your Canadian duties for the day. I'm going to eat some Canadian bacon, pancakes with maple syrup, watch "Kids in the Hall," and then kick my husband's ass in Trivial Pursuit (junior edition). Oh, Canada, I stand on guard for thee.

Thanks for letting me take over today, Captain D.!

Do you think I should tell her she's the first ever guest poster at Us and Them?