Hell Boy: Hey Captain.
Me: Hey Hell Boy.
HB: How's it going?
Me: Going. Did you want something?
HB: It's not what I want, amigo, it's what you want.
Me: And what do I want?
HB: Me! Don't be rollin' your eyes at me or you'll get the fist.
Me: You're made of wool. And I don't want you.
HB: It's the power behind the wool, buddy. And don't lie, I'm in your head.
Me: Whatever. Besides, you're not for sale anymore.
HB: HA! Bitch! I told you. So I'm not on the etsy site anymore, what about ebay?
Me: Ebay!
HB: Talk to your therapist about this buying compulsion?
Me: Funny. You're not on ebay either so I guess we're done.
HB: Oh well. How about St. Anthony?
Me: Huh? Oh my...St. Anthony: That's right kid, the patron saint of bacon.
Me: Oh my...
SA: Protector of pigs, hermits, gravediggers and epileptics. You could put me on the dashboard since you can't find a hula girl.
Me: ...dashboard... but my wife...?
SA: Kid, you know how she feels about bacon.
Me: You're right. She loves bacon.
SA: Course I'm right, Dumbass! Who's the saint?
Me: It's actually 'Captain...
SA: Shut up and buy me!
Posts
St. Anthony is also the patron saint of lost items. That's how my mother referred to him. As though items need a saint. She'd say, "Dear St. Anthony, come around, something's lost and can't be found." She was one wacky Catholic!
ReplyDeleteSt. Anthony, help me find my bacon. I've got lots of things for sale. Care for a list? Everything's one dollar, with shipping and handling, everything is actually $38.
ReplyDeleteThere is a Patron Saint of Bacon? Hubby will love that. His life is very bacon-centric.
ReplyDeleteI love the hell boy...I must have one.
ReplyDeleteThey have the St. Anthony (and others) at a little store in New Orleans. I kept meaning to buy one, but never got around to it.
ReplyDelete