Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Pimp Daddy

Have you seen how much strollers cost these days? What the hell is with that? Do my kid's first wheels really need to cost more than my first car? The answer is obviously no, but what if I wasn't fatally unemployed and had money to blow? With only sixteen weeks left before the arrival of boy number three, what would I get for him, if I could?


How about the Roddler from Kid Kustoms? Hells ya! The $3500 starting price would totally be worth showing up all the bitchy Starbucks stroller moms.

What about a crazy assed steampunk version? I don't know what the hell this is, but I like it. Not sure what it's worth, but it was built by Bent Fabrications. Just don't lean on it in the summer.


From Worrell, the Wiegen stroller. It screams "you can't afford me," which is probably why I like it.


Finally, the Helvetia. I couldn't find any information on this one at all aside from it being built in Switzerland in 1959, but I love the old school, low rider look to it. Classy. Just like me. Bwah ha ha ha ha!


But what about dad? Since we're throwing the imaginary gravy around and the '05 Caravan just isn't cutting it anymore, how about a pimped Dodge Challenger with gull wing doors? I could fit three car seats in the back of this, and my kids would never be late for school or doctors appointments.



And even if I was late I think the Mad Max stealth bomber look would buy me some back-the-hell-off better than the minivan does. And speaking of stealth bomber, this car was actually built by Galpin Auto Sports for the US Air Force and is coated with radar absorbing paint. Other reasons daddy needs this car:

  • Silent exhaust system. No, like silent silent.
  • Biometric door lock that only opens to the driver's thumbprint.
  • Roof mounted camera that tracks any movement within a quarter mile.
  • Thermal image projection on the front windshield.
Daddy needs the Bat Mobile.

58 comments:

  1. That one kinda looks like a spaceship...weirdness lol

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  2. Those are some sweet ass wheels. The car's kinda cool too. I can see men drooling over that the world over.

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  3. OMG your kid would freaking fry in the second one, I go with the last one, very cool!

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  4. The sweet (but not exotic) Chariot Cougar II that my parents bought for our twins cost more than at least two cars I have owned. But it's not all styled out like the ones above. It's like the Camry of strollers.

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  5. oh man...that car is so wicked...those are some awesome strollers as well. you would be styling...

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  6. Too bad about the roller skate budget. Wheels are wheels, I guess.

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  7. So, I am wondering with this economy, which people are still wasting money on strollers like these? I think I am a bit Amish...form follows function and there's beauty in functionality. Wheels get you to point B from point A. The End. Amen. I will never understand the notion that the wheels I drive need to be name brand and rolling eye candy. Then again I am just a girl who drives a KIA (base model) MINIVAN. Yep, literally, that's how I roll. BAM!

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  8. Hmm... I would put my baby in a sling, made out of cloth for 10$, and the rest of the money would go into the Dodge! ;)

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  9. I do loves the low-rider! Bet it has a nifty suspension on that baby. Does it dual as a lawn mower? Now that's some multifunctionality.

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  10. Go for the Challenger!!!!!! He'll thank you later!! Trust me!!!!!!

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  11. I remember back in the day (ya, ya .. so a while ago) our baby stroller looked more like a folding chair with wheels on it... flimsy, and you always thought the kid would fold up in it. Or maybe that's what we got so we could drive around in a Monte Carlo boat... I don't remember that clearly..

    But seriously, $3500??

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  12. Mommy needs a bat mobile too. But, does it convert into a boat? Because that's what I'm really looking for in my next vehicle.

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  13. I think you should get the Challenger. It may not be the wisest move financially speaking, but it WOULD be very very fun.

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  14. Just thinking the car would be a much better investment... I mean how long would the kid ride in the stroller versus you in the car!

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  15. American muscle should not be silent. That's just wrong.

    The Bent stroller looks like it might have come from Ork.

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  16. The Oven Stroller. Perfect for cooking babies.

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  17. We have two strollers. Two enormous, hulking strollers that sit in our dining room taking up too much space. I think it would be easier to carry Meg in a sedan chair.

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  18. If I had kids I'd be all over these! Haha! Or would I get the Challenger? Very nice!

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  19. Yes, Daddy does. For the stroller? Think Craig's List. Even regular strollers cost an armload of cash.

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  20. Oh dear god. I hope that silver bullet comes with airbags. That thing is just begging to be launched down a hill.

    I say use the little bean as a progressive weight lifting system... then maybe he won't be able to beat you up (too badly) later on.

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  21. Oooo...I want the Challenger too. There was a sweet tricked out one at the shop where I get my mom-o-minivan serviced recently, and I told my oldest "that is what Mommy would be driving if it wasn't for you three".
    We have one of those sit and stand deals, pretty sweet ride, but it is HUGE. It does keep two out of three fairly reasonably restrained.

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  22. Wow, these are fantastic. Talk about your image makers. You would be the coolest looking dad strolling along in your mad max leather making all the other parents and babies jealous. Of course you would need to get matching outfits for the boys.

    You find the best stuff. Functional pieces that look like art. I love that.

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  23. If you got the first one, it appears that it can go fast enough to just strap to the back of the Challenger. Then you don't have to worry about those pesky two doors...and he will LOVE being outside with his hair blowing in the wind!

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  24. I would have to go with one or two, seriously wild;)

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  25. Radar absorbing paint? THEY HAVE RADAR ABSORBING PAINT??????

    Good gawd man! Why am I just now learning of this. Do you KNOW how much money this could've saved me?

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  26. You know, long term, the Challenger would benefit the boys more- you would be willing to drive them anywhere, anytime in that!

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  27. Damn. Those things make our old Graco look like a Honda Fit. By the way, my Prius has a silent exhaust system. Like, silent silent. Just saying.

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  28. That third one's kind cool. The second is totally claustrophobic.

    DaddyType or something like that often reviews cool rides...for the baby set.

    Phil and Ted's E3. Drives like a dream. Google it.

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  29. A friend of mine is paying some ridiculous amount of money to have an actual road drivable replica of the Batmobile made. I definitely can't show him this.

    The metal pod thing is really freaky.

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  30. I like the metal one that looks like an escape pod from the future. I just need one in my size.

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  31. ok, the 3rd one? Looks like a bucket on wheels. I could have put that damn thing together. There is a lot of money out there I'm not making because I forget how stupid people are.

    And that ride? Ooooh. There'd be no Cheerios spilling in that back seat.

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  32. Are you starting to doubt the validity of your man card?

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  33. Um .. OK, the Wiegen is AWESOME. I'm not biologically capable of having any more children, so now we have to adopt. Or, maybe I can buy a custom-sized one that I can fit into, which would work just as well.

    Do they sell that Dodge in Canada-land?

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  34. That is one cool car. The only issue... (yeah, I gotta be the buzz kill around here.... Sigh) you can't park it anywhere with those doors! Unless you don't mind taking out the cars right next to you. Which probably would be totally worth it anyway.

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  35. You know that if you get the cool wheels for the baby you'll never get to push it. Liam and Connor will beat you to it.

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  36. Screw the stroller. Get a sling carrier. :-)

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  37. I think if all strollers were this cool, you'd see a lot more dad's pushing them.

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  38. Wow! Little tykes really have come up in the world, haven't they? Unfortunately my girls' stroller did not look as cool as these do. As for the car, I think it's a man car. I didn't drool or anything when I saw it. However, I know several men who would. I hear what your saying about mini-vans. I've been driving one kind or another for about 20 years. I need a new car. Porche anyone?

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  39. Yeah, but would those strollers fold up nice into the trunk???

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  40. Those strollers are pretty sweet. But gull wing doors?

    http://oshea12566.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/lambo-doors-so-played-out.jpg

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  41. My kids are getting trash bags with sticks duct taped to them. no fancy stroller necessary.

    There is something special for you over at my place...go see...you know you want to.

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  42. Anything with a jet engine would be good... and SAFE.

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  43. I like the first stroller. The last one was not too bad either! LOL

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  44. Love the car and the gadgets on it...the middle stroller looks like a creepy baby steamer or something.

    http://apackalipsnow.blogspot.com

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  45. I like the first stroller best. It seems the most logical choice. The bullet-looking thing scares me a little.

    And I will totally send you money for the "Daddy Needs A Bat Mobile" fund, if you promise to take me for a ride in it sometime!

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  46. The bullet looking this is totally freaking me out! It looks like one of those chambers from a sci fi movie or something....

    Save your money and get one of those baby wearing slings then apply the savings to the Bat Mobile. That's how I'd roll anyway.

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  47. Sounds completely reasonable to me. The roof-mounted camera could track the kids if they escaped.

    I like the Weigen stroller but I'm pretty sure you could recreate it for a fraction of the cost by putting a bucket on wheels.

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  48. If you get one, then my husband will have to get one.

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  49. These strollers are so ridiculously hilarious. Go for it!

    Di
    The Blue RIdge Gal

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  50. Wow man. I have to say I've never seen those strollers before. If I ever see any parent pushing their baby around in one of those I would shit my pants from laughing so hard

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  51. Who has the time to design wacky strollers like that?!?!

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  52. Forget the strollers..... I want that car. I'll be the female, American James Bond.

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  53. I had a hard time not spending more than our house payment on a stroller. Those are badass. Start a Paypal fund and I'll throw a few bucks toward it.

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  54. Wow, those strollers are nuts-- in a good way. Except for the cost, then in a bad way.

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  55. The egg-shaped one by Bent Fabrications is obviously trying to be the second womb, which is probably really wrong in some way. It also reminds me of those nylons that would come in the plastic eggs that I hated because the crotch would always hang around my knees.

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.