Ha! I'm such a loser. My tab button was stuck and I started writing about it being stuck and whacking it with my pinky finger to unstick it and it unstuck and published itself.
Guess you had to be here.
I had a grandiose post planned for today. I was going to solve America's health care issues and publish my cure for H1N1 and leave you laughing like a hyena at the absurd simplicity of it all, but after spending the day feeding the poor and giving four litres (one gallon) of blood to the Red Cross I'm just too exhausted. Ok, that's bullshit. The real reason is that I've been watching an obscene amount of 30 Rock and Weeds in the past few days since the new tv season is starting soon and I have to be ready. And disc 3 of season one for 30 Rock is due back tomorrow. Also, I promised Middle Aged Woman that I'd do a He Read/She Read review of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies with her and I'm a little behind in the book because I got distracted reading another awesome book**. And watching a lot of tv. I haven't done a book review in like... forever so I'm a little nervous about his now. I may have to do something in grilled cheese.
Anyway, I've got a question for you. If you could go back in time and witness an historical event, what would you pick? And I don't mean take part in, I mean like, pack a lunch and a folding chair to watch from a distance. What would it be? I'm serious here. Comment. Tell me. The reason I'm asking is because I've been writing a story for my kids and my original story has moved well beyond where I thought I was going with it and I kinda have an idea where to go next but you might have a better idea which I could then steal from you and use as my own but I'd totally make you into a character in the story if I decided to use yours. And I'd tell you that I'd mention your name in the dedication, but that would be assuming it's ever going to get published, and come on, look at what you've been reading so far. But if it ever did turn into the Great American Novel I'd totally mention you in the dedication. And I know I'm not American, but Canada only has a population of 30 million-ish and the U.S. has like... hold on... wow, 300 million so you know where my literary ass is for sale if it ever comes to that. By the way, according to Wikipedia the U.S. also has a GDP of $14.264 trillion dollars. Not that you needed to know that, but what would you buy with $14 trillion dollars. Wait! Ignore that. Answer the history question first, because that was a serious question. Then you can answer the trillion dollar question.
*This title has nothing to do with this post, I've just had the Pogues in my head all afternoon.
**Last Argument of Kings by Joe Abercrombie
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I'd like to go back in time and watch you stagger home with only 2 litres of blood left and battle with your tab button.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Well the fall of the Berlin Wall would have been nice to witness. Caesar crossing the Rubicon would have been cool. To have seen the Spanish Armada set sail would have been phenomenal. To be honest there are too many, I think I'll just stick with witnessing you and your tab button.
I like mo's answer about having only 2 liters of blood left in you. I work in a blood so I can help you.
ReplyDeleteI would like to watch the original launch of the USS Constitution. It is docked in Boston and I have seen it numerous times and it is impressive.
xx
None of this local history shit, man.....gimme the Mahabharat!!!
ReplyDeleteWait, I didn't write that. It was my TAB button, who arm wrestled me to the floor and took over and posted its own comment.
ReplyDeleteYeah, right....wtf??
Drinks please.
I love it when you ask for ideas ~ I hate it that I only have 10 minutes before shower time for work. It puts me under so much pressure. Almost as much pressure as you put on the poor tab button....
ReplyDeleteThis morning after marking our 31st wedding anniversary yesterday with a trip to the FREAKIN' Colonoscopy clinic(my husband has such great ideas dontchya think...
I wanna go back and sit thru 3 days at Woodstock, get a buzz on and just absorb the moment.
I'd hang out at the crash site in roswell New Mexico so I could see what really crashed!
ReplyDelete"If you could go back in time and witness an historical event, what would you pick? And I don't mean take part in, I mean like, pack a lunch and a folding chair to watch from a distance."
ReplyDeleteFunny thing, people used to do this with battles before WWI -- picnics on the sides of battles. People are weird.
If I had a great seat, the wedding with Princess Di and Prince Charles or be on the moon when Armstrong landed.
I would have liked to witness the signing of the Declaration of Independence (sorry for the American bias)
ReplyDeleteI'd have liked to be able to sit in the corner when the American founding fathers were hashing out the Declaration of Independence.
ReplyDeleteHow many litres of blood are in a human body? Sure, I could look it up but I'll let you. Yeah, I AM that lazy.
I would like to see Stonehenge being created; the Great Pyramids being built, and I have to go with otin's wish as well.
ReplyDeleteWow! So many choices.
p.s. I like the Woodstock thing, too.
ReplyDeleteSo many that would be interesting to watch but not actually be involved... also with the thought that it should be somewhat exciting for kids, how about the Battle of Troy, which of course is Greek Mythology, but you didn't say it had to be TRUE history.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, history is just what is written down that we believe to be true, not necessarily what actually happened. Maybe putting a totally different spin on the happenings of an historical event would be interesting in a children's story.
I agree with Fiona... take an historical event that kids would know about and spin it a little however with the same outcome.
ReplyDeleteHistory seems to just jump from war to war unless you are talking about inventions or the like. The former I'd not want to witness, the latter would be decidedly boring to see.
Perhaps I'd like to see a clipper ship in full sail with crew all working together. What men did for little money to promote commerce at one time is astounding. Try getting someone to crawl out on the yard arm rounding the Magellan straights, talk about a scary and amazing thing to see from afar!
Okay, I'm American and I've been watching "John Adams" on DVD (highly recommend it, btw), so I'm going to have to go with the Continental Congress debates leading up to and including the vote for independence. The whole thing is facinating me right now.
ReplyDeleteSecond choice, because we've been playing Beatles Rock Band, would be front and center at the Ed Sullivan Show ...
Only one event? Oh, dear...there are so many...The Boston Tea Party...the Continental Congresses...the writing of the Magna Carta...Martin Luther pinning his note on the church door...Rome burning..oh, dear...
ReplyDeleteWell...if I can only have one...the raising of Stonehenge. I don't know why, as I'm sure there are far more interesting and historically significant things to see...but this morning, it's the Henge for me.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who wishes you good fortune with writing/finishing/publishing and will buy your book when it comes out as long as it costs less than a gallon of blood)
I would go back and watch how they did Stonehenge. And the pyramids. Damn. Two different places AND times...GAH! Can I go to two difference places? And I would FO SHO be sitting on my ass, cause all that shit looks like hard work.
ReplyDeleteOH and we are starting to watch Weeds...just got the DVD's in for season one!
ReplyDeleteMost historical events would probably be boring to witness (the birth of Jesus would just be gross), but I would like to be present when the last dinosaur died so I could laugh at it, unless the theory that they were wiped out by a giant asteroid collision is true in which case I wouldn't want to be anywhere near there / then. So instead I'll just correct some of your Cannuck mistakes. 4 litres is closer to a furlong, except on Wednesday, then it is approximately 5.3 foot/pounds. And your Aussie pronunciation of "an historic" is totally wrong. To quote Eddie Izzard, "there's a fucking 'h' in front of it". You Germans make the funniest mistakes, like WWII. Good thing we rich Americans are around to correct you.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to watch The Battle of The Somme in World War I, so I could ask pretty much everyone involved "WTF?"
ReplyDeleteI would go back and watch MKL's "I Have a Dream" speech because oh my fucking god could that man give a speech and to have seen all the people listening to his words on the cusp of revolutionary change and seen the people...cool.
ReplyDeleteHey I just started reading Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. As for the historical event........I'll have to get back to you on that one!
ReplyDeleteI would want to see the signing of the Declaration of Independence and see if John Handcock's name was really changed from John Footpenis. Family Guy says it was but I can't find credible resources..
ReplyDeleteAssuming that I was watching it like a movie screen and could not be effected by the events at all, I would either like to see Chernobyl during the meltdown.
ReplyDeleteI would want to be on the Mtn where Abraham was going to sacrifice Isaac. Because to me that is the significant beginning of having faith in a judeo-christian God and I would want to see the real struggle there.
ReplyDeleteI would like to observe two events - the release of Nelson Mandela from prison in 1990.
ReplyDeleteI would like to participate in an event - I would love to be in front of the Dakota Apartment building on Dec 8, 1980 (with the knowledge I have today) and tell John Lennon to GET BACK inside!!
I'd like to go back and watch Leonardo Da Vinci at work.
ReplyDeleteI would go back and take my video camera to the grassy knoll. (sp?) and maybe one on oswald too while he was eating his sandwich all alone oblivious to what was going on.. yup that's what i would do
ReplyDeleteWow, I can only pick one? There are so many I'd like to see...The Crucifixion, The Ascension, I like BeautifulWreck's idea of Abraham and Isaac on the mountain. So many events in Rome, I'd love to see Alexander the Great in battle, to see the Declaration signed, the Boston Tea party, wow...I just can't decide. Can I just have the Time Machine option and see them all? I'm on a Tudors kick right now so I'd love to be able to just observe the Tudor court.
ReplyDeleteHeck, maybe if you just give me the 14 trillion dollars I can build a time machine.
Either that or I'll just go lay on a beach somewhere and read until my hearts content.
For gross morbid fascination, I might have to say the sinking of the Titanic. It'd be tough to figure out where to put the lawn chair, though.
ReplyDeleteI would like to witness the greatest story ever told. Wars have been fought, books have been written, religions have been launched.
ReplyDeleteThe Life and Times of Christ.. can you imagine a ring side seat to His childhood, early adulthood, ministry and final death and resurrection? And I always wonder, what "side" would I have chosen?
You should just publish your posts in book form. Bestseller for sure ;)
ReplyDeleteRecently I got this WC night school booklet and it had a day trip to see the trail taken by Lincoln's assasian. It kind of sounded fascinating. I doubt that's real appropriate for your kids but it sounded kind of interesting with underground tunnels and visiting the theater where it happened.
Great now you're going to think I want to watch people get killed. I can't think of anything else though.
I would witness one of the great English victories over the French with the longbow. Crecy or Agincourt. That would be wicked.
ReplyDeleteOr perhaps the Battle of Traflagar. That would be cool too.
ReplyDeleteI don't know... I've never really been too interested in history. I know this sounds morbid, but I'd like to have witnessed Pearl Harbor. From a distance, of course. I'm not sure why...
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that feisty tab button... don't let it get you when you're sleeping.
I would like to have also brought my lawn chair to Woodstock. But I would also like to bring my own Porta John. But not place them to close together....you know?
ReplyDeleteHistory first: Either the second day at Gettysburg when Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain saved the Union army (even thogh my ancestors were confederates), or to have a comfy seat watching Lewis and Clark and Sacagawea search for the non-existent Northwest Passage.
ReplyDeleteI think a LEGO version of PP&Z would be better. Let me know if you need more little guys. I got buckets of 'em.
Boy, it's funny, but as an atheist, I'd love to see the Jesus story to see what the big deal was and what people were like then in general to create such a big deal about this one guy. But then I'd need to learn ancient Hebrew and Latin or aramaic. Or something, anyway. Otherwise, you know, I'd just be sitting there, in my lawn chair, wondering WTF? Why did they just throw rocks at that woman? What's going on? And you know, I'd have to figure out how to blend in or have powers of invisibility. And if I was invisible AND could time travel, well, DANG! There goes Hitler!
ReplyDeleteAhem. Anyway, good luck with your story.
What a fun thing... as the mom of three plane-lovin' boys and a lover of fast jets, I'd have to say that I would really like to have seen Chuck Yaeger break the sound barrier. How cool would that be to hear the first sonic boom and be like "OMG!!! WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!?!??" The possibilities of what one's imagination could come up with for reasons on why there was such a massive explosion are endless, no?
ReplyDeleteI would like to sit back and watch the Big Bang. Not the TV show, the actual event.
ReplyDeleteProbably the whole Manson thing. I'm sure it was totally exaggerated.
ReplyDeleteWhat?
Moon landing. Plain and simple. . .
ReplyDeleteI think I would like to watch them building the pyramids. End the whole was there or wasn't there aliens helping them question.
ReplyDeleteOr sit with Mo and a beer and watch you sturggle with you rtab button.
I'd like to see who the "guys" were who landed in Egypt and built those pyramids, and whose descendants probably made crop circles.
ReplyDeleteFor claiming that you don't have much to say, you sure have a lot to say. Could you please get on that health care solution already? I didn't know that you were working on it but now that you promised it, I'm going to be hounding you for an answer.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding? Freakin' Woodstock. That would be people watching at it's finest. I'd want to smoke a fatty and chill in my lawn chair and see all the pretty people blow by. Yeah, I'm deep like that. No prez, no famous peace maker, I wanna see the party-ers.
ReplyDeleteFourteen trillion bones? Gold chains and jet skis my friend. And a shit load of beer.
I think I would have liked being at the last supper. Watching JC get shit faced would be pretty cool. He'd be all, "Aww..I LOVE you guys, man!"
ReplyDeletewell if i am packing a lunch and have a lawn chair and can actually be there but with my today knowledge...unable to CHANGE history (like I couldn't warn him or anything) then the assassination of JFK. I would have cameras set up on the grassy knoll and every other important angle, as well as one in the School Building....
ReplyDeletecome ON---everyone stole my ideas!!!!!! I want to be in the book dedication!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI wanted Woodstock, taken!
I wanted MLK's I Have a Dream speech, taken!
JFK shooting---TAKEN!!!
I think noone has taken my next idea:
Lewis and Clark blazing the Oregon Trail
Yep--that's the best one!!
Please spell my name right in the dedication. :)
man-oh-man, 3 other people said Woodstock. Sounds like a fantastic party watching the party. How un-educational is that, beats me? It sounds like a hell of a lot of fun though.
ReplyDeleteWhat, like, you want me to THINK? Like USE MY BRAIN? That's a fine howdoyado in exchange for my thoughtless reads but whatev. ;)
ReplyDeleteSiiiiiiigh
I suppose if I had to pick SOMETHING it would be the invention of the wheel. Frankly since then, everything seems to have gone downhill.
Now if you had asked, say, where I would go to *participate?* Despite myriad health issues and a life-expectancy of about 20, I'd totally go back to the Old West. I would have been one of those girls who cut my hair short and dressed like a boy so I could ride in the Pony Express. How freakin exciting would THAT be? Yee haw.
I would witness the invasion of Normandy. I'm a history buff so that would be it for me. Again from a distance is key.
ReplyDeleteI'd go back to the time of the Crusades and say "What the hell
ReplyDeleteare you thinking?" You're going
to foreign countries just to
get rid of the invidels, Christian
ize the! Tell them there's a lot
of shit thats going to come back
on ya way down the road.
Stop, go back home, start a Mideival Rock Band.
If I had a trillion dollars, come on, I spend nights worrying about
what I do if I won 2 million.
ps you'd get a large chunk of
whatever I won, so wish me luck!
Trillions, lots of good charities,
healthcare, schools, and trips
all over the world. Oh, yeah,
and I'd buy a Porsche Carrera 911.
ok, so it was Infidels and Medeival
ReplyDeleteso shoot me, my spellings gone down
hill.
I just found your blog..I will for sure be coming back for more :)
ReplyDeleteI got 5 dollors...u love me long time...lol full metal jacket,love that movie
I would like to have sat in on the 60's...RFK, JFK and MLK Jr. assassinations. To believe so passionately in something to be killed because of it. True sacrifice.
ReplyDeletegot my chair, got my drink, feet propped up and taking in the sights...doing a lil side line watching of...one great event...you may not agree but as a mom I would have loved to step back and see my daughter being brought into this world.
ReplyDeletefor that it changed history moment...the quiet strength of Rosa Parks not moving from her seat, the rockets red glare as bombs going off in air and giving way to the words to a great song, or mozart having a blast making music that was lively and toe tapping for his time.
I am not really a war buff, so Stonehenge, and the Alaskan Gold rush would be nice. But because you said pack a lunch not a week worth of meals, lol I would go with the day King George GOT the Declaration of Independence. I mean he had to have had some interesting things to say about America.
ReplyDeleteI would love to witness Benjamin Franklin's kite flying trying to entice electricity to hit his key. I want to hear him say, "Ouch!"
ReplyDeleteOr anything that Benjamin Franklin does. I want to follow him around as though I was his personal page.
He would have made me a pair of glasses because I'm so nearsighted and I would love him forever for that.
I can hardly give blood without passing out for a half hour afterwards. Now are you sure you can give like a gallon???
ReplyDeleteIt was a toss up for me on the be there event...I could not settle on just one.
Either when the gigantic meteor struck that killed the dinosaurs,
or
when a battleship arrived home in the States with the soldiers coming back from WWII.
Complete destruction of geography in amazing ways or total love and happiness that is indescribable on a human level.
Let's see...if I could go back in time and witness a historical event, I suppose it would be the First Thanksgiving. I know, that's pretty tame...or lame...but it'd be cool to see what really happened. :)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to go back in time to this post and tell you that I say "a historical" not "an historical".....fucking Canadians.
ReplyDeleteAlternatively? I dunno. Because most of the historical events I'm really fascinated by? I wouldn't want to BE there, it'd be like a battle, or a beheading, or some other scary dangerous or appalling shit. I think I'm much better off hearing about it.
I would like to go back to WWII so 1939 to 1945 or so. I love that time period, I mean ... not the dying part of things, or the holocaust or that stuff. The USO dances and the men in uniform and the romance of oversea love. Yup ... that's me ... a completely HOPELESS romantic.
ReplyDeleteProbably not something a kid wants read to him though. LeSigh!
I'd like to witness the Boston Tea Party (with tea cup in hand of course). I could sit there and feel all superior and say things like "come on people, what do you think this is gonna prove", or "no one's ever gonna remember this...get back to your lives".
ReplyDelete