"Were you born an asshole or did you work at it your whole life?"
- Jimmy Buffett, The Asshole Song
"I'm an asshole."
- Denis Leary, I'm An Asshole
Ever just wake up and know that you should not spend the day in civilized company? Or the company of vikings, pirates or barbarian hordes? Me neither. But after wandering around the house lost and getting into several fights with a four and six year old this weekend my wife "suggested" that I should get out of the house. Maybe go for a bike ride. A long one. I knew she had a point, but I also knew that it was almost lunch and I had only had a cup of coffee and a slice of banana bread for breakfast which would not provide much juice for exercise. After some milling about and grumbling I decided to hell with it and got dressed. Then I looked outside and noticed what I thought was a mild breeze was actually gale force winds that were bending the trees sideways.
"Why don't you go to Starbucks. Take a book or do some writing. It will be quiet," Supreme Leader said. Grumbling. Change clothes. Stand in the middle of my room and grumble some more. As much as I REALLY needed some alone time, everything I wanted to be alone with was actually in the house, like my computer and my TV and my big comfortable bed. Yes I could have taken a book to read and some notebooks, but I didn't really want to sit in Starbucks for that long. There's too much distraction from Starbucks music and getting a sore ass from Starbucks chairs (because you know if you want to actually sit in there the good chairs won't be available) and eavesdropping on Starbucks conversations.
I think that with the end of summer and the rapid approach of school the boys and I just ran out of things to do and were starting to get cabin fever. That and worrying about work. And worrying about my wife working too much overtime. And worrying about her worrying about me not working. And the usual not getting a second to myself during the day. Ya. I might have been a little tense.
In the end I just decided to stay at home and lock myself in our bedroom for awhile, but when I went to tell Supreme Leader she told me that her and the boys were going out instead. Do I have the best wife or what? Sure she's still planning my dietary murder, but even that is pretty awesome. Tasty tasty murder. So I had the house to myself. Did I read? Work on my stories? Blog? Nap? No. I watched all of 30 Rock, season two. Now it's all butterfly wings and rainbows out my ass.