"Were you born an asshole or did you work at it your whole life?"
- Jimmy Buffett, The Asshole Song
"I'm an asshole."
- Denis Leary, I'm An Asshole
Ever just wake up and know that you should not spend the day in civilized company? Or the company of vikings, pirates or barbarian hordes? Me neither. But after wandering around the house lost and getting into several fights with a four and six year old this weekend my wife "suggested" that I should get out of the house. Maybe go for a bike ride. A long one. I knew she had a point, but I also knew that it was almost lunch and I had only had a cup of coffee and a slice of banana bread for breakfast which would not provide much juice for exercise. After some milling about and grumbling I decided to hell with it and got dressed. Then I looked outside and noticed what I thought was a mild breeze was actually gale force winds that were bending the trees sideways.
"Why don't you go to Starbucks. Take a book or do some writing. It will be quiet," Supreme Leader said. Grumbling. Change clothes. Stand in the middle of my room and grumble some more. As much as I REALLY needed some alone time, everything I wanted to be alone with was actually in the house, like my computer and my TV and my big comfortable bed. Yes I could have taken a book to read and some notebooks, but I didn't really want to sit in Starbucks for that long. There's too much distraction from Starbucks music and getting a sore ass from Starbucks chairs (because you know if you want to actually sit in there the good chairs won't be available) and eavesdropping on Starbucks conversations.
I think that with the end of summer and the rapid approach of school the boys and I just ran out of things to do and were starting to get cabin fever. That and worrying about work. And worrying about my wife working too much overtime. And worrying about her worrying about me not working. And the usual not getting a second to myself during the day. Ya. I might have been a little tense.
In the end I just decided to stay at home and lock myself in our bedroom for awhile, but when I went to tell Supreme Leader she told me that her and the boys were going out instead. Do I have the best wife or what? Sure she's still planning my dietary murder, but even that is pretty awesome. Tasty tasty murder. So I had the house to myself. Did I read? Work on my stories? Blog? Nap? No. I watched all of 30 Rock, season two. Now it's all butterfly wings and rainbows out my ass.
Posts
I'm from Viking stock. You can hang out with me.
ReplyDeleteMy God, what a beautiful photo of blossoms...
OK, that wasn't very Viking-ish, was it?
Oh I'm right there with you, minus the flowers out my ass.
ReplyDeleteThat photo is truly stunning.
it must be that time of the YEAR for most every one I know. only pirate i ever wanted to hang with was J.Depp and I dont think we would have much to say to each other anyway.~
ReplyDeleteNever have seen 30Rock...(no tv) but have seen Weeds and like it cause its about as unpredictable as life.
Glad your out and about again
Hmmmm...ass rainbows you say?
ReplyDeleteThere's just no replacement for a little one on one with the DVD player.
ReplyDeleteSeems everyone is blogging about being alone these days. Must be in the air...
ReplyDeletexx
That totally rocks! I am glad that you had some time to cave it out. Sometimes just spending time doing something for yourself makes you so much more relaxed and happy that you can do for others again.
ReplyDeleteI am so very happy for you!
ReplyDeleteI will get to feel the same today as Pale Rider is actually leaving the house this morning...I. CAN. HARDLY. WAIT. I am counting the minutes until he leaves.
Gah, I have those days, too. Must be that time of year.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it just the best...doing what you want to do...even if others might think it's silly, unproductive, or whatever? Boo on them, for sure!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you all the way on the job search and the tense part. Normally, I would have thought you just needed to get laid.
ReplyDeleteAnd you did exactly what you needed to do to jumpstart getting back to the 'normal' days. Good on you. What a fabulous wife you have!
ReplyDeleteLastly, that is a totally stunning photo.
You need to build your own tree house. Or maybe a pillow fort. Then tell the rest of your family they can't come in without the password.
ReplyDeleteI am totally with you on this, my friend... I certainly have my uncivilized days...it boils down to my profession of tech support...I just can't stand the general public as a result...
ReplyDeleteDo you think your wife could marry me after she kills you?
ReplyDeleteLMAO @ Pippa
ReplyDeleteBeen there too myself. I always find it hard to be alone in a crowded place, as I am easily distracted too.
The photo? Perfection!
30 rock will do that to you. annd your wife is awesome for sure.
ReplyDeleteWe all have those days. Unfortunately mine tend to be frequent in bitter cold weather and rain.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful picture. That would brighten a sour mood any day.
Love beautiful rainbows out of ass. Thats MUCH better than what comes out of my ass, oh and 30 rock RULES
ReplyDeleteButterfly wings and rainbows are probably a lot prettier than what normally comes out of your ass. Glad you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous photo!
flowers out of your ass huh? now that is just one scientific marvel i think would be worth watching...that is of course if...well, forget it, I'm just not going to go there!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had some down time!!!
Crabby days are the WORST! I get them and can't seem to figure out why I'm soo annoyed. But I am!
ReplyDelete"I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
ReplyDeleteWhile people behind me are going insane."
LOVE that song.
30 Rock will make anyone fart rainbows.
I am sitting here listening to the BANG, BANG, BANG of a pneumatic gun stapling new hard flooring into my living room. 2 days now. AND it's raining outside AND my dog is afraid of the sound of the gun.
ReplyDeleteCabin fever? I wish I had cabin fever.
You do have the best wife ever. And I'm a wife so that's pretty good for me to call another wife the best.
ReplyDelete30 Rock was a good way to spend your time. I've had a little bit of me time lately since the kids started 3 half days at school and I just want to sit and do nothing.
Glad you got some you time. You selfish prick. ;)
A few eps of 30 Rock can ease the mother of all shitty moods. Good choice!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you got time in your house ALONE.
ReplyDeleteHope your ass rainbows last for a week or two!!!
That is a beautiful picture. And that is why I live alone, or occasionally with a barbarian horde.
ReplyDeleteI'm a stay-at-home mommy and I approve this message. ;)
ReplyDeleteDude, you could have gone on a bike ride, gone to starbucks, taken a nap and watched tv in the time it took you to decide what to do...
ReplyDeleteEllie
You do have a great wife. She probably needs her space from time-to-time and recognized you were in desperate need.
ReplyDeleteI know and feel your pain about not working. It's just plain frustrating.
However, a day of 30 Rock, no commercials is the best.
Gorgeous pic. Sometimes you just need 10 uninterrupted hours in front of the TV... and that's ok! Hope you're out of your funk!
ReplyDeleteAt least I know I'm not the only husband to be given time out. Suzy Q just banished me from "talking" to the children as apparently my "teasing" was no longer "playing". I guess being sick and unable to play football (soccer) for 6 days has given me cabin fever as well.
ReplyDeleteYou need days like that sometimes. And yes, Supreme Leader is totally awesome!
ReplyDeleteSometimes that bedroom is a great place to be! A quiet sanctuary!
ReplyDeleteYes - your wife is awesome. If I am grumpy, I curl up with a few seasons of Sex and the City. Those bitches are so out there, I always feel like my problems are cake.
ReplyDeleteButterfly wings out the ass? That made me think you must poop caterpillars. You are gross for making me think such things.
ReplyDeleteYour wife is sweet. She probably has butterflies follow her around, but not your ass butterflies - cause they are gross. Like you.
Happy Wednesday! :)
I think you're pretty awesome and I'm sorry you're feeling like meat.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a perfectly good way to spend some alone time. Occasionally I'll try to watch Sex In The City reruns. Gawd I love them. Whatever helps you de-stress is good.
ReplyDeleteGlad you got some alone time. Apparently children acting terrible and the likes is in the air-- my sister told me it's "Mercury in Retrograde" google that craziness.
ReplyDeleteat least you didn't kick something or cause irreparable harm to some animate object...when I get in that foul of a mood, I ought to wear a "warning keep back 200 feet" sign.....
ReplyDeletewhat would liz lemon do in this situation?????
1) Time for me to begin my study of Le Jimmy's lyrics up close & personal 'cause we have a date 16 days from now in PARIS--one night only, I'm so stoked!! Is it really the asshole song?
ReplyDelete2) I have the inverse problem to you. Imagine that I'm excited to go up to Paris for long w/e b/c I spend too much time alone!! (yes, it does happen) After 3+ wks w/no city time & le hubby gone 1/2 the week, me & the dog have escalated to in depth political discussions...need crowds & group discussions asap!
3) We just recently discovered 30 Rock--why did no one inform me about this f'n hilarious show?? We're downloading it in droves to entertain our TVless lives. Hoping Santa drops a flatscreen down the chimney after the renovations...ttttvvvvvv.
4) Good for you & bonne recuperation. Hope you found your sanity under the pillow ;)
I find it hard to sit down with rainbows out my ass...but they sure are pretty.
ReplyDeleteProps to SL, that was awesome to take the lads.
Deep breaths, ny friend. And perhaps beer. :)
Some days you just need to be left alone. Good for you that your wife understands. Or maybe she was worried you'd eat the boys.
ReplyDeleteSure she's still planning my dietary murder, but even that is pretty awesome. Tasty tasty murder.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, those were the lines that grabbed me. Ha! What an enjoyable read - and so worthy of your POTD mention at authorblog. Congratulations!
Oh, I so get this feeling. Cause, man I can be a huge bitch sometimes. It's the times when there isn't really a direct reason that get me the most, just that general feeling of miserable.
ReplyDeleteI came over from authorblog. Congrats on the Post of the Day Award!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the POTD nom!
ReplyDeleteGREAT photo!
Nothing better than a bit of time to your self, ALL BY YOURSELF. I love that.
ReplyDeleteButterfly wings out your ass? That sounds really uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteHey, if it makes you feel better and gives you ass rainbows, then call it good. Maybe even fantastic.
ReplyDeletei see you everywhere captain dumbass. for a second there i thought my husband had started a blog.
ReplyDeleteyes, i have many days like that, they usually last from 4-7 days a month. and while my nightmare rage is coming down on me, my husband usually lies down on the couch in his man cave for a 14 hour nap, then surfs the web for another 11 hours, and then farts and eats for 6 more.
I *thought* I heard roaring.
ReplyDeleteI love it when hubby and child vacate the premises. I never do anything constructive either, but that's kind of the point.
Dietary murder? I must have missed something. Glad you found your happy place. I find I spend a lot of my time trying not to be a heinous bitch. It's exhausting.
ReplyDeleteYou and my husband want the same damn thing. A cave with a bleeping TV. Go figure...
ReplyDeleteBut the blossoms were a nice touch to end things with. Now you should probably pick your wife some flowers. Supreme Leaders need love too.
Great picture.
ReplyDeleteAaaaand...the twins are napping and I'm watching Project Runway. You can't be productive all the time...
ReplyDeleteWhat a perfect way to relax and empty your brain of coherent thought - a marathon of 30 Rock! Perfection! :) Supreme Leader is a wise, wise woman. :)
ReplyDeleteeveryone deserves a mental health
ReplyDeleteday. Think parents all over the
world are with you in that this is
"the most wonderful time of the year" kids back in school. Those
precious hours when you try to refuel.
I'll be down in a few weeks, so you and Supreme Leader can take
time for yourselves, the boys and
I will have a great time.
Good god. I get you so well. Kinda scary.
ReplyDeletei get that way sometimes. minus the rainbows and butterflies. congrats on the POTD mention.
ReplyDeleteGood thing you only had one slice of that banana bread....with the poison and all.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reminding me of the Denis Leary song. I had forgot about it and shame on me because it is great.
ReplyDeleteThis post truly made me laugh out loud. Truly. :)
ReplyDelete