Friday, July 24, 2009

Dear So & So: Fast Cars, Smelly Smells & Vengeance

Dear So and So...

Dear Guy Driving His Mid-Life Crisis Beside Me,

Yes, your convertible Mustang is nice, and yes, I did speed up a little and pass you just to get you to react. Thanks for falling into that stereotype.

Yours, Man in the Man-Van

PS. Pussycat Dolls? Seriously?


Dear Mosquitos,

I'VE GOT NOTHIN' LEFT TO GIVE!!!

Yours, Bloodless


Dear Oldest,

When you have to go, please just go. Please. Holding it in until you're bored enough with whatever you're doing to go is cruel and unusual punishment for the rest of us. The house smells like a barn.

Yours, Dry Heaving


Dear God, Where Do I Get One Of These?


With four magical tusks and three adorable animals to impale? SOLD!!!

Yours... what? Don't look at me like that.

50 comments:

  1. with 4 magical tusks and 3 animals to impale, that is going straight on my birthday present list.

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  2. Back.slowly.away.from.computer.

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  3. Call.child.protection.services.

    (or is it animal protection??)

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  4. Yes, do tell, where can I get one of those ~

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  5. I encounter those midlife drivers quite a bit! It is pretty funny, actually!

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  6. OMG, that toy is awesome. Indy's b-day is tomorrow. Think it would scar him for life if I got him one?

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  7. They aren't just animals, they are ADORABLE animals! yikes..

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  8. I didn't realize that cruelty to animals was considered a hilarious toy in Canada. But I suppose I should have just figured that out - based upon other things your country has that doesn't make sense. i.e. canadian bacon is NOT effin bacon dude! That's not even good ham!

    Your son is going to grow up to be a serial killer. I am almost positive that this is how it starts...impaling toys, blog mockery, hilarious photos...yep. Serial killer. OR, you're going to have one hefty therapy bill. could go either way.

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  9. That toy? Is pure awesomeness.

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  10. I had to replace all my toilets in my house due to the same problem with my boys. They like to wait and wait!!! They plugged the darn thing every time. I got tired of plunging it. We replaced all of them with the top american standard model. Excellent. Honestly, priceless. I have not had to plunge the toilet since.

    I also like to bait people in my car at stop lights when the road narrows from 2 lanes to 1. I like to pretend like I am going to gun it. I will creep up a little and then a little more to make them think that I plan to get to be first to the 1 lane. They floor it every time. I just slip in behind them. I just wanted to see them burn a little rubber.

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  11. I wonder if there are other animals available? Perhaps a rhino that can impale baby lions or antelope... maybe a puppy or two?

    I don't understand why kids are so violent these days...

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  12. PETA member laughing hysterically at the toy. Oh wait, I hate PETA.

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  13. Listen Mister. The Pussycat Dolls were on the damn radio. I didn't like it, or enjoy it, but what can I do? Switch to a jazz station? In a Mustang? Yeah right. Or a rock station? Hell, I don't wanna listen to Bon Jovi on repeat do I?

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  14. LOL at Braja!!

    Don't get why animal cruelty is funny either, but to each his own.

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  15. not sure if it's animal cruelty or just a process of nature?
    do narwahl's really do that?
    so bizarre ... but my kids love narwahls. creeps other people out when they know what they are.
    think it stems from the movie elf, when he says "goodbye mr. narwahl."
    stupid line. funny movie.

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  16. I think that the holding it is a boy thing because yeah - we've had to crack open a few windows here and there. You don't want to know what comes out of Sneaky Monkey when he does hold it in ...ewwww

    As far as the toy goes - cute!!! but keep it away from Little Man m'kay? He is violent enough already

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  17. BAH.
    That was some funny shit
    Thanks

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  18. Pick me up one too when you go... I hate the toy store..plus I don't have any young kids at home anymore, so I just look weird.

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  19. I am so getting that toy! I have to go online shopping now...

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  20. Mustangs are total penis-mobiles. When we pass them, we just point and laugh.

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  21. found the narwhal set easy enough - very cool.

    I see there is the standard choking hazard warning but where's the "you could put an eye out" warning?

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  22. LMAO Absolutely brilliant!

    And might I add that I freaking hate mosquitos? Where we live they are everywhere. In the two hours that I have been up I have already killed 10. 10!! And ants..oh how I loathe ants!

    My oldest went through a phase of putting off the restroom until the last minute too. He just wanted to do what he was doing and couldn't be bothered with the call of nature. It drove me nuts. As soon as I would see him getting all squirmy I would have to force him to use the restroom. Force? Yes force. He would say "but I don't have to go" and continue to play. Force is my making him stop playing and walking him to the bathroom. Where he would then have a releasing of the dam effect on our toilet. Why do they wait?

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  23. Your Avenging Narwhal can play with my Rei Ayanami figure.

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  24. Dude! I'm in Chicago! At BlogHer! Where I get points for knowing you. It rocks.

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  25. That's a tooth on the narwhal,BTW. Did you know that? It grows through the lip.

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  26. your going straight to hell for the seal game. sick sick man............

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  27. LOL that toy is awesome...and how did you know it was The Pussycat Dolls?

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  28. So funny, I love the way you right! Thanks for stopping by my sight. Please feel free to visit anytime, I'll leave the light on for you!

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  29. Oh. My. God. WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT???

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  30. as always, laughing til i pee.
    why do you do that to me....
    dear captin dumbass...
    how do you make up this stuff?????
    or is it from caring for boys all day that has rotted your lil mind?
    Crazed Mind

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  31. It actually says on the box "With 3adorable baby animals to impale." Unbelievable. I mean, at the very least they could have picked some un-adorable animals to impale. Like opossums, and rats and hairless cats. I could get behind a toy like that. But adorable little baby creatures? That's just over the line, my friend.

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  32. Holding it in is a boy thing. Except for my husband. I swear, the man lives in the bathroom!

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  33. omg that's hysterical .. who doesn't want to impale adorable baby animals, after all? lololol

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  34. Who was the creator mad at when he designed that play set??

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  35. I wanna impale someone........ waaaaah

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  36. Did you finish up strong and look over at him, tilt your head back, and laugh your ass off?

    Gotta get me one of those Narwhals! Suh-Weet, with impaling action.

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  37. You can buy it here: http://www.mcphee.com/items/11689.html, but I prefer this one: http://www.mcphee.com/items/11731.html

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  38. I really get tired of hearing, "I have to go potty." when we're at home and the bathroom is two feet away. Just go already!

    I'm having fun traveling to everyone from Kat's place :)

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  39. Seriously, what's with kids who don't feel the need to go pee when it's time?! Little shits!

    Dudes having mid-life crises need to seek professional help. Seriously!

    I'm watching King of the Hill and they're searching for truffles and having issues with MySpace. What the hell is my life coming to?

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  40. Those others might judge but I like your sick sense of humor.

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  41. I'm laughing. The husband is staring at me. What? This is funny stuff!

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  42. I feel bad because the Narwhal makes me laugh.

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  43. I'm a backstreet boys guy myself. Pussycat Dolls is just pathetic.

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  44. So it sounds like you missed the hell out of us!!! Sicko Pics!
    Big Red has started to journal our whistler trip, the big sissy.

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  45. So it sounds like you missed the hell out of us!!! Sicko Pics!
    Big Red has started to journal our whistler trip, the big sissy.

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  46. This cracked me up.

    Ugh, as I wrote this a mosquito buzzed around me.

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  47. Oh my ... the guy in the mid-life crisis car ... I would have pointed and laughed at him. I'm guessing you meant he was actually listening to the PC Dolls. As the kids say today 'FAIL'.

    Yeah ... I have to go with Braja on the Tusky Baby Seal Impaler. Just walk away man, it's not worth going to hell for!

    blessins!

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  48. Love that one of the adorable baby animals is a koala bear. Because they come in contact with Narwhales so frequently, it makes perfect sense.

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.