Thursday, April 23, 2009

Remember When Super Man Flew Around The World Really Fast And Made It Turn The Other Way And Time Went Backwards?


I cut my lawn today with a lawn trimmer. The whole thing, front and back, 'cause I'm that kind of classy. I know. We don't have a second car, but if we did, I'd totally put it up on blocks in the front yard. Maybe add an old fridge or stove too. We... I broke our mower last year and instead of getting it fixed I just kept borrowing my father-in-law's. You know, it wasn't even last year that it broke, it was the end of summer before last. Fuck, am I lazy. No, that's not true. Well, yes it is, but not for the purposes of this post. I don't know, I'm in a funk.

Shit. I just paused in thought for a minute there and noticed my camera which has been plugged into the computer for about two hours now. Excellent. When the Mother Ship arrives tonight and my battery is dead I'll only have myself to blame. At this juncture I should mention that this post has absolutely no point to it at all. And yes, I went back and added 'juncture' to the beginning of that last sentence so I could use 'point' at the end and not have a sentence with two points because that's all wrong.

Where was I? Oh ya, nowhere. Did you know the bigger planets in our solar system rotate faster than smaller planets? If you did you suck. Please shut up now. So ya, Jupiter is two and half times bigger than all the other planets combined and it rotates in less than 10 hours. Tiny little Mercury takes 58 Earth days (Ok, this is kinda because it's got a messed up orbit but cut me some slack). Now if I lived on Mercury, a 58 day, er, day might be enough for me to get things done around the house, spend enough time with the kids so I don't feel like I'm neglecting them and still have enough "me" time to keep from going crazy. Oh ya, and then there's that black haired woman I share a bed with. I think her name starts with a... wait, it'll come to me.

And now it's an hour and a half after I wrote that because I had to stop and watch Bones. I love Bones, and not just because of my man-crush on David Boreanaz, but tonight's episode was just annoying me.

Dear Hollywood,
If you tell me that one of the characters I'll be watching in (insert show name here) is Japanese, is from Japan, has a Japanese name and, oh look, the actor playing him is Japanese... I get it. It's enough. I really don't need the hokey canned Zamfir pan-flute "Asian" music in the background. The same goes for every other ethnic group or foreign country the show may be visiting. I know you're playing to the lowest common denominator, but seriously, if they're that dumb they probably can't afford to buy your advertiser's products anyway so screw 'em.


And oh my god the theme song from Greatest American Hero just came on and does anybody remember that show? I remember watching it with my mom and I'm pretty sure she was letting me stay up late to see it and remember Robert Culp as the curmudgeonly FBI agent? He was great. Guess he must be dead by now. I have a thing for hokey 70's songs. And yes, I've used the word 'hokey' twice now in one post. Whatevs. You're still here, aren't you?

I made these for my boys. Cause I'm a crafty bitch.



End.

64 comments:

  1. There are other planets in our solar system?

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  2. That was bit like random tuesday but on a thursday and I'll be damned now if I can keep straight what day it is. Is it Friday?

    I think it's funny you went back and changed your sentence so it wouldn't have two points. I thought I was the only one neurotic enough to do that.

    Even a 58 day 'day' would not be enough time to get all the crap done. (And see I added the ' around the word day so it wouldn't be two together looking stupid! I really picked the wrong day to give up coffee.)

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  3. 這家的台北搬家公司的服務是一流的。

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  4. I made it! Yes, I can sometimes, despite the medication. Or maybe because of it. But yes, since you ask, I'm still here. And speaking o medication, yours is obviously kicking in...motherships??? Okkaaaayyyy....

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  5. wow, you are a crafty bitch. And LiteralDan wants in on our action. How are we going to work that three-way. Ooh. I'm getting all excited.

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  6. so the FUNNY thing is - I totally followed that.

    I'm fucked up that way.

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  7. Man, you ARE crafty. Next thing you know you'll be Bedazzling the kid's clothes.

    Fix your lawnmower, you dork. We have a riding mower and it's more fun than those games you ride on outside of Walmart. Wait, do you HAVE Walmart there? I'm confused.

    What are your thoughts on Pluto? He'll always be a planet to me.

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  8. Wow. I think there's a place for you on HGTV.

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  9. wow crafty you ...
    how did you get those so evenly spaced?

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  10. Sure, sure the pictures/frames/crafty shit are nice and all, but I'm kind of stuck on this Great American Hero business. Did it come on TV? Because I need to watch that channel more often.

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  11. I am so hearting you at this moment. I'll take a 58 day, day. It would make me younger, right? And I could get stuff done. You know, other than sitting around reading blogs.
    You are crafty (and I mean that as a double entendre). Great job on the...books? posters? post cards? Whatevs.
    Bones! You love Bones? Oh, how I love Bones. Dh also has a man crush on David Boreanaz. I do not. I want to have sex with him. That's right, I said it. Dh knows. If I ever get within in jumping distance of him, I'm totally jumping his "Bones." Get it? Hahahaha! Seriously though we're about 6-8 episodes behind the US (maybe more) so it will be a while before I get to see them. Our next ep is the one where Booth's brother is first intro'd (we actually saw that one in the States right before we moved). I'll have to be on the lookout for one that is annoying in its asian-ness. I'll think of you.
    And this one's just for you:
    Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air, I never thought I could feel so free-ee-ee, flying away on a wing and a prayer, who could it beeeeeeeeee? Believe it or not, it's just meeeeeeeee.
    Dude! I loved TGAH. LOVED.
    Awesome post.

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  12. When I grow up I wanna be just like you.

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  13. You are crafty!! And wise beyond your years. Of course I have no idea how old you actually are, so maybe you aren't...
    I'm with Casey. What's your stance on Pluto?

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  14. Oh, don't get me started on the whole time warping reality thing just now— I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet.

    My wife keeps telling me she loves that show. Haven't watched it since it was not in re-runs (yes… shows my age).

    Oh, looks like you struck a nerve in the Japanese community because of the Anonymous comment that was left (damn… left my babel-fish at home).

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  15. Coke En Stock? Hummmm. There is a joke here and I just can't formulate it...

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  16. Believe it or not I'm walking on air....

    Oh. sorry.

    what were you saying?

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  17. Nevermind the lawn trimmer. What you need are some goats. They hardly ever need gas and, in a pinch, you could, I don't know, Curry them and serve them with rice.

    Delicious lawn care.

    And...The Greatest American Hero was awesome, but, it'll never hold a candle to Shazam.

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  18. Whenever that song comes on the oldies station, I MUST TURN THE VOLUME UP!
    Believe it or not..

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  19. I always thought it was weird on Alias when they were filming a scene in "South America" they used a yellow filter. Why is it so yellow in South America.

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  20. Back off crafty bitch, Boreanez is mine! We're going to live together on Mercury. So there.

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  21. You been drinkin?

    Alcohol and yard work don't mix. Instead, drink and watch your neighbor do yard work.

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  22. I just made a "Greatest American Hero" reference in an email like last week. Great show. Great early 80s Billy Joel-esque sweeping orchestral theme song.

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  23. after i cut my yard i always drink a cold beer just taste the best then. my neighbors pay a care company to do there lawns i dont know but something about mowing and trimming i like.

    http://flgaydad.today.com/

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  24. You're not just a crafty bitch, you are a funny bitch. Loved that you took us into your editing process.

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  25. "I cut my lawn today with a lawn trimmer. The whole thing, front and back..."

    I thought this was going to tie in to that "Trim the hedges" commercial you posted a while back. Bah!

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  26. You could give me a 58 day day and I would still have dirty dishes in the sink and laundry everywhere at the end of it.

    Did you know that Pluto isn't even considered a planet anymore? Thanks History Channel. I owe you one for destroying all my childhood illusions.

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  27. I TOTALLY remember Greatest American Hero... Wednesday nights on ABC. The only thing that bugged me was his curly hair. Superheroes are not allow jerry curls.

    And yes, you is a crafty bitch

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  28. Wow - a crafty TinTin bitch! Love it.

    At this juncture I would like to point out that I totally pull the thesaurus out in order to avoid using the same word twice.

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  29. I think my oldest Indian has been reading your blog. Our topic of conversation this morning was on "the hottest planet in the solar system..." When I was her age all I cared about was if Smurfette was going to get away from Gargamel.... how sad....

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  30. I'm glad you've come to terms with the fact that you're a crafty bitch.

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  31. yes, I did let you stay up late to
    watche Greatest American Hero.
    We loved it! Think Robert Culp
    is still alive.
    Sorry, I did know about the planets
    and their speed. But, I can pretend I don't.
    Sounds like Cpt. Dumbass and Mrs.
    Dumbass need a getaway!

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  32. Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air, I never thought I could feel so free-eee-eee!!!
    Awesome craftiness!

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  33. FYI - Greatest American Hero is available on DVD from NetFlix, and Buck Rogers in the 25th Century and Dr. Who are available for online viewing. Now you won't need to abandon your TV for weeks. You family can fend for themselves.

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  34. It's like Random Tuesday, but on Thursday. I've done that before. Worked out well.

    Sorry to hear you're in a funk. Been there; still there.

    Yes, I remember when Superman made time go backwards. It was awesome! I wish I could do that some days.

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  35. hello mercury-er, i mean random!
    Hate those days...
    But you've just provided me with more knowledge than I had before I stopped by your page.

    Thank you sir. :)

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  36. Trimmed my whole yard with weed eater - check

    Big fan of GAH - check

    Other planets. Really?

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  37. Nice Frenchy Tintin craftiness ther. Actually, that should be Belgiany Tintin craftiness. But that doesn't sound as good so I've now decided that Herge is French.

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  38. Chad? That was more random than Random Tuesday Thoughts! LOL You need to get out of the house. without the boys. and do grown-up stuff. with Supreme Leader. or your buddies. soon.

    or open a few windows when you're painting.

    maybe both.

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  39. Hot Tamales always get me out of a funk. They're just so cinnamony.

    Also on the list: cinnaomon bears, atomic balls, cinnaomon discs, french toast...nutella crepes...

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  40. Guess i suck...

    Not only do I remember The Greatest American Hero, but I remember how cool it was when I learned how to play it on my trombone!

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  41. DUDE...I SO want whatever you are on. It's sounds AWESOME!

    And how much of a nerd am I? I have Greatest American Hero on my Netflix Queue. I loved that show as a kid!

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  42. Damnitt! Now I can't STOP singing the theme song to the Greatest American Hero.

    you gotta admit. that's a catchy song!

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  43. Tin Tin is Belgian. I speak Flemish. Do you?
    If you didn't use your Father-in-law's lawnmower, you wouldn't be forced to go shopping with him - would you?
    You crafty bitch you.

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  44. Wow. I don't know what to say except I'm impressed. I think.

    Ellie

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  45. DC urban dad took what I was gonna say..

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  46. Thank you for calling Hollywood on the racist BS that they pull. They think that just because they have an Asian, Black or Hispanic person in their programing that it makes them not racist, but then they start breaking out the stereotypes and it make my head want to freakin explode.

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  47. there was a lesson in all of that rambling. Awesome!

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  48. There is nothing shameful about having a man crush on David. He is one of the main reasons I watch the show and only the presense of my husband keeps me from dry humping the TV.

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  49. I so loved Greatest American Hero. Every time that song comes on I get happy. "Look at what's happened to meeeeee....I can't believe it myself..."

    Wait. That was way off key, sorry. I know better than to sing on blogs.

    Meh.

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  50. If I had to tell someone who had never heard of you to read just one post of yours to get a feel for you, well, this would be the one. Awesome.

    Greatest American Hero? Love it! I tune in to hear just the song, then I switch it. I do the same thing with Miami Vice reruns, House, Hawaii 5-0, and Rockford Files. Best tv theme songs ever!!

    Death By Black Hole (nonfiction). Read it. I love this book. The author just wrote another one that details how the world is going to end. Hint: it's eerily close to that assclown movie where Bruce Willis blows up an astroid.

    Peace out. Why you in a funk, yo? Is it because Canadian music peaked with Bryan Adams?

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  51. I think you all need to quit picking on Pluto. First he's demoted and now he's just ragged on all the damn time!

    I'm sorry. It's been an eff'd up Friday. Can you send SuperMan over to my house to turn the world backwards, just one more time?

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  52. I do remember when Superman did that. And I really don't see a problem with cutting your lawn with a device called "lawn trimmer". Totally valid. (Although, maybe next tiem you can just have the Imperial Storm Trooper do it. Or are there child labor laws in Canada?)

    However, I must contradict you (and some of your more sychophantic followers) by saying:
    You, sir, are a crafty sonofa-bitch.

    Last thing: What the HELL is that angry-looking hell-fish on the Canucks logo?! Did Flipper go postal? Is Shamu having a bad day? What?!?!

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  53. I sing the theme song to the Greatest American Hero to my son. Even though he's Canadian.

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  54. That does it, I'm moving to Mercury.

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  55. I love what you made your boys!! And yes to the info about the planets.

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  56. You know things are gettin random when you read ALL the comments cos they're kind of like awesome in their own right, then you end up forgetting what it was that you actually wanted to say in the first place?

    I am also bummed about Pluto. Now I'll get to say to my kids "When I was young, Pluto was still a planet!" and they'll all look at me like I'm kind of old and weird and pathetic. You know, when I have kids. Which there should possible be a law against.

    Also, I like you.

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  57. My brother used to be OBSESSED with TinTin. Man, do you think those are worth money?

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  58. OMG-If I didn't already heart your blog, I would now that you freferenced Greatest American Hero. I can't talk to you now. I have to go and sing into my hairbrush...("Be-lieve! It ot not! Iiii'm dancin' on a-ha-hair! Ah never thought ah could feel so! Free-hee-heeeee!") See what you've started?! I hope you're proud of yourself.

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  59. Damn. You are one crafty bitch. Next up: recital uniforms.

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.