Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Random Tuesday: We Kissed, As If Nothing Would Fall*

randomtuesday

Right. Let's get to it.

I received an angry email yesterday from Iowa insinuating I have some type of cranial flatulence issue. While that may well be, forgetting her pictures was an accident. So without further ado, the lovely and forgiving Church Punk Mom: "Here's mine.. the verse it references is, "Consider the ravens: They do not sow, or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" It's my little reminder to myself that I'm important to God and He's always got my back... cause I seem to forget that.. like.. a LOT."



and here is my husband's... it reads: "Dead to sin, Alive in Christ".. the red arrow represent his sin, which is broken and the two different color eyes are the old him changing to the new him. He likes to use 'band art' for his tattoos.


We're all about customer satisfaction here at Us & Them.

The other day I was out returning some movies. I drive into the strip mall the video store is located in and am immediately nearly t-boned on either side by two Mercedes who apparently believe their right of way is righter than mine because their rides have five digits in the price tag. Well kids, here's the thing. This is a four year old Caravan, I am well insured and my children are not in the car. Not only am I not slowing down because I have the right of way, I am speeding up. Let's test all those vaunted German safety features! Will I get hurt? Don't care! You're payin!

How is it that 'righter' gets past spell check?

Four months after starting to paint my bathroom it is finally finished. I don't like to rush things.

Saturday morning I was just about to leave the house when I noticed my shirt smelled. Like really smelled. Like wet goat who has eaten a durian and has bad gas. Don't know what a durian is, ok, wet goat who has eaten a rotting corpse and has bad gas. I thought maybe I'd forgotten to put on deodorant. Not that I smell that bad (I hear Supreme Leader laughing). So I put on some more deodorant and a new tshirt and off we go. Later in the day I realize the smell is back. Rewind three or four days. Liam wakes up with a fever. While sitting with me at the computer he throws up over my shoulder. SL cleans it up with a bath towel that eventually gets buried beneath a pile of other laundry and forgotten amidst countless other disasters. Yes the room smells, but we figure it's from the carpet where the puke originally hit (hence the current search for a steam cleaner). Friday I discovered it and did a load of laundry. Same load the two shirts were in. See, it wasn't me. I'd never eat a rotten corpse.

Ikea: Swedish for designed in Hell for your suffering. You know what's more fun than going to Ikea on a Sunday afternoon and then having your 3 and 5 year old try to help you assemble 3 book shelves? Having the five year old lean on a shelf that is only attached by those little f*cking dowels while you search for a screw. Then you get to go back to Ikea! Despite all the crying (his!) I think this may have been Connor's plan so he could go back for more ice cream.

Speaking of Ikea, while I loaded the car (first time), Supreme Leader took the boys to get their ice cream. When the server handed them over a woman beside SL started complaining that SL had received more ice cream than she did. Why? Why did I decide to load the car and come back?

Dear (insert name of American retailer, large or small who doesn't ship to Canada), Hello? This isn't North Korea or another planet. Granted there isn't a lot of us up here, but still, there's quite a few of us. It's like deciding not to sell to California. We want to buy your stuff. We have money. Yes, it comes in a kaleidoscope of colours, but it's still money. Look, this whole recession thing? Hitting us too, but not as bad. We can help. Really. Amazon.com sells like, everything. Amazon.ca? I can buy a fork.

I think I've been screwing up Random Tuesday Thoughts by not hitting some button thingy at Un-Mom's. Guess I should have mentioned her up top too. I meant at the top of the page, not her... you know, top... though I'm sure it's worth mentioning. Er... watch the video.

video

*name it.

47 comments:

  1. Did I get it?

    Great video, bro! I got Wee Lass to do the thumbs rcently, too. Very cute!

    And of course the muffins taste better when you steal them. Forbidden fruit, my friend...

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  2. Holy shite! I was first! This is going to be a good day, boo-yaaahh!

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  3. Okay -- I know it's a waste of towel but... when one of my kids throws up and I mop it up with a towel? I throw it in the trash. And depending on the chunk factor, sometimes sheets too. Because that stuff get in the wash and starts floating around and... eww. Why are there so many blog posts about vomiting this week? I'm starting to feel queasy.

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  4. The puke towel in the laundry basket WAY gross. But yeah have done the same ding dong move. Did I just call you a ding dong? Never. I've seen your dragon.

    should I start a business for Canadians where I buy the shit you want from American retailers that shun you and ship it into Canada? Be a middle man. A Middler? Maybe I could make enough money to buy one of those Mercedes you were talking about.

    Good day to you sir.

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  5. IKEA's directions to built their products are insanely cruel and should be banished from the Earth. Now there is a random thought on this beautiful Tuesday.

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  6. Glad to see that you are teaching your children the correct values in life!

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  7. Ikea is a gift and a curse. I'm sorry you had to make multiple trips. Have you seen this: http://i285.photobucket.com/albums/ll43/atelier29/esqure_ikea.jpg

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  8. In the dictionary Ikea is Swedish for "Disappointment". But dang, they make good frozen yogurt!
    ...and btw, if you have the cute-kid factor going for you, they always give you bigger servings.

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  9. Moppet muffin misconduct.

    Liam's adorable...he's gonna get away with far more than muffin misdemeanors in his life!

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  10. Awesome randomness. I heart Ikea, but know better than to buy something I'd have to assemble.

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  11. I need that fork. It completes my set. Get it for me?

    Liam has got that wink down...and the thumbs up..Way to go dude!!

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  12. "HEROES" By David Bowie!!!

    Oh crap, I just looked over and saw Irish Gumbo already said it.

    *head deflating*

    I cheated anyway. I googled that sh**. And you know what? You were the top pick on google when I searched "we kissed, as if nothing would fall"

    Followed by a couple of other bloggers who stole that line too as their post title.

    Way to be original dude.

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  13. That was draining..... now I have no thoughts left!

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  14. I hate going to Ikea. I always feel that they have trapped me in some sort of retail maze.

    Cute video.

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  15. A *fresh* corpse, now, that's a different matter...

    Thanks for mentioning my top. Now I have to hoist the girls all day.

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  16. My husband has totally eaten a durian. He has a vegan friend at work who brought some in. Here is a video of one of his co-workers enjoying one of said delights..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_-qUO7HvPI

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  17. Oh good Lord, I am in love with Liam. Miss G did something similar recently. I baked this gorgeous banana bread and was going to cut it up in slices to take to a friends house later. Came into the kitchen, she had a spoon in her hands and had gutted it. So yes, it does taste better if you steal it.

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  18. I hate IKEA!!!! Nothing worse than going to a store, walking around for an hour and still not finding what you want, so you grab a few meaningless items only to realize that you will have to wait in a line up from hell!!!!!

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  19. I think it's interesting that righter gets past spell check, but that SAME BLOGGER SPELL CHECK is always trying to call me out on contractions. "Haven't" for instance...

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  20. Do you need me to buy you something again? What store doesn't like the Dumbass this time?

    You know I adore your kids.

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  21. How u doin Liam? hehe That was too cute. And little bites of muffins are much better than the whole muffin hands down.

    I am so glad there isnt an IKEA store near me.

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  22. Whoa. What's with Ikea and blogs today? It's everywhere! Nice ink!

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  23. I love Ikea. I'm jealous of your proximity to Ikea. And now I'm craving meatballs.

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  24. Crap. I really need to find a better profile picture.

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  25. My theory on durian is that if Andrew Zimmern from Bizarre Foods can't eat it, then it MUST be horrible.

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  26. I've come to the conclusion that, unless you frequent Ikea, you are not part of civilized culture. The nearest Ikea to me is about a 2 hour drive. Therefore, I must live in the sticks (which I pretty much do). I'm ok with that.

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  27. this post reads like thoughts go through my head....

    in a chaotic mess.

    but this is much fuinnier than the thoughts in my chaotic head.

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  28. CPM told me I just have to read your blog, so here I am!

    I've tried Durien popsicles from an Asian food market...they weren't that good.

    By the way....I saw your comments on Irish Gumbo's Jaguar man story recently, and I was just curious to know if you read my half the story too? I didn't get a comment so I'm guessing you didn't. If not - well check it out! :P

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  29. Did the first Ikea trip with Lukas Saturday. And yes, I had to go back that evening to exchange something. I feel your pain. It is a nightmare.

    Meatball are tasty, but I'm not sure I want to know what they are made of.

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  30. I'm like an Ikea assembling wiz. I can assemble anything from Ikea. Also, I think Canada is beautiful.
    And I'd totally sell you my stuff.

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  31. I love a kid who can wink with his entire body.

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  32. This is the kind of day where I remember why I SO love your blog. More than many, many things. Even convenient American shipping.

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  33. "Ikea: Swedish for designed in Hell for your suffering"

    That is awesome.

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  34. wow, u really do mean random, don't u. Good on u for showing
    those Mercedes a thing or 2.
    If you think Ikea is bad, try
    putting together an aluminum shed,
    your father and I read the 15
    pages of "Easy" Instructions and
    did the smart thing. Resold it
    unopened.
    PS Love the little Muffin Man.

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  35. Your child. I want to eat him. But I'll settle for the muffins.

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  36. I'm pretty much in love with Random Tuesday, even though I've never been to Ikea OR Canada.

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  37. LOL-my kids always puke ON me, thereby conveniently cutting out the middlemen known as "towel" and "washing machine." I feel your pain, and I agree 100% with Cakelet-just throw that sh** out, srsly. Cut yourself a break, ('cause the Mercedes' drivers won't! Luckily, it sounds like you can totally take them.) Glad to know that I'm not the only one that considers a trip to Ikea the retail equivalent of a death march. Your post made me exhausted by proxy. I have to go lay down now...

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  38. My concept of hell is an eternity of assembling Ikea furniture and always being one bolt short.

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  39. If you leave clothes in the washer for a couple of hours over here in humidville before you put them in the dryer, they smell about ten minutes after you start wearing them. My husband hates it when I do that.

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  40. Captain, the wink was a classic!

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  41. I had no idea that you could buy forks on Amazon.ca. I am going to have to look into that now.. I wonder if they will ship forks to the US. ;)

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  42. Of course they taste better stolen!! So, did the Mercedes' move out of your way????? SL totally deserves more ice cream than that other chick... she's the Supreme Leader!!!

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  43. LOL!!! You've taught your boy well...now he can get away with anything!!! :)

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  44. Oh hey there. Again!
    I just updated my iPod 10 and gave you some linky love. :)

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.