Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Untitled: Part 3

And so, on with my tale of mental degradation. If you missed part one and part two this will seem very strange, but that is my thing so maybe just go with it. Oh, and to the follower I lost yesterday, was it the cheese man? He was dead already, honest. I was just playing with his body for a laugh. Don't leave me. We can work it out.

"Hi, I'm Sarah, Sarah Farad. Thank you so much for bringing me over here."
"No prob, Sarah. Hey, no need for tears, you're safe here."
"Where's your husband?"
"Mohammed's still stuck in the control room. He finally got around to rescuing him but stopped with only a metre of door left to cut away."
"Three feet."
"Why did he stop?"
"He got stuck on what kind of a welder would be used to cut through a metal door. He started out with an arc welder because it was the first thing he thought of, but then he wasn't sure if that was right or not and didn't feel like googling it. Then he went to bed and he hasn't been back since."
"So you're already in one story, right?"
"Yes. He published us on his other blog back in April of last year. He posted us again on his main blog a few months back and then decided to finally get started on the second part of the story after receiving some positive feedback. Now he's thinking of re-doing the first story since it was so short. Like I really need to live through the Earth being destroyed all over again."
"Are you hungry? We've got pizza and beer."
"Starving, thank you. So this is Los Angeles?"
"Yep. Where are you from originally?"
"I'm not sure yet, he never said in the original story. From his notes though, it looks like he may have me born on the Ring."
"And the Ring is a giant... space station?"
"It was. What was that bell?"
"The elevator. Somebody else has arrived."
"Why did I come in through the fire escape?"
"No idea. There's a lotta stuff we're still figuring out. Kel's been a big help."
"He's the Stormtrooper, right?"
"Ya. He just went to the john, should be back soon."
"Been gone for awhile now. You figure they'd design those suits for-"
"Oh, sorry."
"That's alright. Can I ask you a question...I'm sorry, Pin Stripe just seems like such a silly way to address you."
"I know, that's another thing we can't figure out yet, how to pick our names. Everything goes blank when we try, so we're Pin Stripe and Black Suit for now."
"What was your question, Sarah?"
"Where's the narrative? All this dialogue is confusing."
"We're really stuck on that one. It's one of the reasons we're bringing all the other characters together. Kinda hoping that between all of us we'll be able to figure it out and start using it."
"We think it's our genie in the bottle, once we have that we'll be able to do so much more."
"Oh. My. God."
"He's gigantic. He's... he's not a bad guy, is he?"
"No, he's a good... Jesus, he's big. Seven feet?"
"At least."
"Hi... ah... sir?"
"Fleet Lord. Sorry, he hasn't decided on a name for me yet. What the hell happened in here?"
"Oh, we got bored the first day, started playing with the guns. Um... I'm sorry, but how tall are you? I could have sworn you were about seven feet when you came in, now you look like eight."
"He hasn't decided that yet either. My height fluctuates from outline to outline. Try not to look at me for too long, it'll give you vertigo."
"Ya, my head's starting to hurt."
"Mr. Fleet Lord?"
"That's a little stuffy, (sigh) how about just FL?"
"How did you put the sigh in there?"
"Not sure. Maybe it's because I have so many drafts."
"How many?"
"Thirteen. He's published two on the other blog. Maybe that helps."
"Did you bring anybody else with you?"
"I brought my second in command, Sgt. Jarel. He's taking another elevator up with the time travellers. The President and Secretary of State didn't want to come and none of the others are substantive enough to come over. Even if they did, they'd just be voices. Sorry, ma'am, you had a question?"
"I just wanted to know, er, your height..."
"Genetically altered."
"Fleet Lord."
"No need to salute, Stormtrooper."
"Name's Kel, sir."
The elevator chimed again, this time disgorging eleven heavily armed men and women and one humanoid species of alien.
"Hey, hey!"
"I knew this would work!"
"Humanoid species of alien?"
"Romantic, isn't it. He hasn't decided what I'm gonna' look like yet, only that I need some 'alien' features."
"You must be Sergeant Jarel."
"At your service. May I introduce Captain Sean Decker and his team, the 1st Force Temporal Recon."
"Kinda. We're made up of soldiers from many different UN nations but we're flying under the banner of the US Marine Corps. Long story."
"I'll say, he put a lot of work into you guys around Christmas."
"Earth celebration, I'll explain later."
"Ok, I think this is everybody. We've got some A-10 pilots who don't actually have bodies yet, they'll be joining us on the speaker phone once we get settled down. If you all want to come this way we've got pizza and beer over by the windows there."
"Aren't there two non-science fiction characters over in the other blog?"
"There are but they're barely even referred to. They know what's going on but there's not enough of them to actually interact with. Same thing with Toys. The main character is only assumed at this point and trust me when I tell you that you do not want to meet the rest of the cast."

I find it interesting, but not at all insulting, that I get a bigger response from playing with grilled cheese and toys than I do from actually writing something. Maybe there's a message in there?


  1. That's it. I'm dropping you from my reader too. No cheese? First you kill cheese man then you just ditch him.

  2. where's the damn cheese man?????

  3. just kidding.

    Thought it was great. I thought you were going to lose me there when i realized how long it was- then BAM!! I was hooked. Now, I have a few "male bodies" i could recommend if your ready to give some definition. (Hello Brad? Hugh? The Captain needs you fellas over here. Naw, don't worry about wearing anything....)

  4. Concenteation levels of your readers?

  5. Dude, no wonder he stopped, he's using an arc welder to CUT. What he needs, see, is a cutting torch of some sort. Assuming relatively contemporary tech, of course. You know, oxy-acetylene or the like. Is it some kind of exotic high-tech alloy, perhaps a titanium-tungtsen mix, or maybe a new hybrid tech of ceramics and metal? Hmm. May need to come up with some kind of "knife" that unzips the molecules instead of melting stuff.

    If you can, get your hands on "Green Tea" by Richard Wadholm. Great SF story that has some ideas you could borrow for hi-tech metals. Plus, it has a real badass plot line.

    For Pin Stripe and Balck Suit, Ida know, maybe call them Agents, or Mr. (name)? All black shades/mysterious angle.

    Stormtrooper suits: small osmotic membrane fluid processers to get rid of sweat and urine. Solids? Hmm. Needs some study.

    Fleet Lord size problem: maybe he is suffering from the aftereffects of a 'temporo-spatial destabilization' grenade or beam, which in full force causes the target molecules to slip out of phase with any given set of time-space coordinates, leading to temporo-spatial decay i.e. death. He didn't get the full blast, so he is still alive, just phasing in and out.

    Take a look at "A Dry, Quiet War" by Tony Daniel -

    Genetics and weapons: I should send over some troopers from my
    15th Armored Div., 3rd Genetic Warlords "Double Helix of Death", story idea, that I had from YEARS ago. I'll see if I can find a copy.

    Are we talking continuous story arc in one universe, or overlapping stories in a 'multiverse'? Multiverse: Have you read any Michael Moorcock, like the 'Chronicles of Corum' or the 'Elric of Melnibone' series?
    Awesome stuff, kaleidoscopic...

    Anything else I can do to help? :)

  6. Um...I'm really interested to see where this goes. And I'm really jealous of all the different characters you have knocking around in there. I need to branch out a bit. You know, from porn. And....well, just branching out from porn should be a start. MUST FIND WORDS!

    You're inspriational, Captain Geekface.

  7. First: HOLY SHIT, MR.GUMBO. I don't want to know how it works, dammit. You can find the human resources email at the top o' the page to discuss the inner workings of man shit.

    Now: O Captain My Captain. I love that your computer throws up and this is what comes out. I can only aspire to fill my hard drive with such wonderfulness that it spews forth on me at some future date.

    I bow to your greatness.

  8. @wendy: Sorry, ma'am (grin) The Captain, his manliness inspires me...I too, bow to his greatness!

  9. I loved the post but what I really want to know is WTF is going on with you and Gumbo. That is one long, well thought out response he posted....I think he loves you. :)

  10. @Stiletto: SHH! SHH! I was gonna tell him first! ;)

  11. Your stories make you actually follow along and think not to mention actually remember the prior parts.

    Now, getting to the real comment:

    "That's a little stuffy, (sigh) how about just FL?"
    "How did you put the sigh in there?"
    "Not sure. Maybe it's because I have so many drafts."

    That made me LAUGH OUT LOUD! Nice....real nice.

  12. I like it! I like it! I like the cheese man too. I'm easy to please.

  13. LOL! I lost a follower too... but then got two more... so it's all good ;)

  14. But, I like grilled cheese! :)

    I am seriously really enjoying this story and I don't want to ruin it with some inane comment.

  15. Dude, sorry, I accidentally deleted you from Reader. You're back now.

  16. I'm totally diggin' on this story by the way, and excited to see where it goes. You have a lot of people and/or partially defined characters in your head, sir. :D

  17. Say, you're not supposed to know about Temporal Recon. They're gonna come after you now.

  18. All this dialogue is making my head hurt. You're making me THINK?

    Oh right - I'm supposed to be good at that.

    Never mind. Carry on.

  19. Because the death of cheese men by storm troopers is something EVERYONE can relate to. Duh.

  20. I am really enjoying this thread you have going. This is a very creative idea, thanks for sharing it with us!

  21. Well. I for one, enjoy your fiction. ;)

    But, I feel ya, man... I get way more comments on my Wordless Wednesday posts than on my stories.

  22. Thanks for explaining the metre. Those guys can't be too bad off if they at least have pizza and beer...

  23. Okay, I came to the story late, so I'm going back to review the earlier parts. I'll see you in a bit.

    Cheese Man rules.

  24. Yes, there is. and the message is that we are incredibly immature.

    I'm not proud of it. But it's the truth.

  25. dude - the grilled cheese is way more artys fartsy than the writing but heck, I love it all so you just keep writing and torturing cheese men, I will always come back!

    I'm addicted, who knew?

  26. Did somebody say Cheese? I really like the diversity. One day cheese man gets offed, the next a great story. Keep it up.

  27. If you experimented with other condiments, maybe pickles, ranch, or even ham, I bet you'd hit well over 100 comments. Huge!

  28. After reading this I broke out my old Darth Vader doll and killed my grilled're writing is causing something to happen here lol !!

  29. Maybe I should start playing with Legos because I'm still waiting for a big response about anything. Okay...I think the day I thought about quitting the blog world brought some in. Otherwise?

  30. just us really smart people appreciate your writing or maybe
    we just have tortured minds.
    Whatever, I'm a fan.

  31. Because my job sucks the life out of me, I'm a weekend blog reader for the most part. And I went straight to the writing.

    I'm going to your profile to see what this other blog is that the characters keep talking about.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.