Monday, December 1, 2008

Prepare To Be Boarded & Awarded

A couple of weeks ago I'm in getting a pedicure because I so needed one and all of a sudden I had an idea. The lady working on my feet didn't speak English and my Cantonese is terrible so I called up my GF.
"Goodfather! What's going on?"
"Just trying to decide what to wear, Captain. Can I text you a picture?"
"Got it. Nice shoes."
"Thanks. Got them on sale. Steal! Do you think I could wear this with my lilac sweater?"
"What colour pants are you wearing... Damn it!"
"What's wrong?"
"Just spilt my peppermint mocha. Listen, I've been thinking. We've both received some really nice awards from people, but for the most part, they're all a little... feminine. If you know what I mean."
"I know. A little too much pink and a few too many flowers."
"Exactly. We need to man up the blogosphere. Us daddy bloggers need to represent!"
"We totally should! How about black? Maybe with some power tools-"
"Great great great! Look, I don't have Photoshop, so how about you do all the work creating us some badges and I'll take all the credit?"
"Um... that sounds-"
"Is that 'Womanizer' you're listening too? I'm so glad Britney is back. Gotta go, hockey game tonight. Kiss kiss!"

Then I smacked myself in the junk and went to Home Depot. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with a mitre saw, but dammit, I've got one. I like to set it up in the carport and then walk around looking up at the house like I'm planning something big.

Today goodfather and I are launching a joint shock & awe awards campaign. Make sure you go over to his site and check out his goods. Here's mine:

I don't have any rules or stipulations with this, just take it and run. Maybe speak kindly of me from time to time. In fact, if you want to pass it on, make up your own questions. If you don't want to use it because it doesn't fit in with your motif I'll understand, it is pretty manly. Still, you've been awarded. Pass on the manly love.

In no particular order except for goodfather who worked on this with me and Middle Aged Woman who gave me my very first award. Ok, maybe I should do this alphabetically. Or my own special version of the alphabet. I'm not linking everybody below because it's already after 11pm and it's A LOT of names. And mostly because I'm lazy.

Apathy Lounge, April's Little Family, Anndi
Bad Karma, Blissfully Caffeinated, Bedsidetalesman
Clark Kent's Lunchbox, Colepack, Cheaper Than Therapy, Cameron, Churchpunkmom, Ciara, Caroline...Online, Coconut Belly (see, I told you)
Edge of Insanity
Goat & Tater, Gimme the Juice
Heinous, Hey You! It's Me, Half As Good As You
Irish Gumbo, It's a Dog's Life
Jodiferous, Jess, Justsomethoughts, Jett Superior, Jenni Jiggety
Kaply, King of New York Hacks, Khadra
Melanie (yes, you whiny sister), My Life in a Nutshell, Me & You & Ellie, Ms. Partly Cloudy, Mommy's Escape, Momma Trish, Momcat, Mariah, Momo Fali
PAPATV, Pacing the Panic Room, Petra aka The Wise Young Mommy, Pseudonymous High School Teacher
Stiletto Mom, Steenky Bee, Sprite's Keeper, Starbuckbitch, Sarah's Blogtastic Adventure, Sassy Stephanie, Sherandipity, Sleep Deprivation Ninja
Texas Word Tangle, Two Dogs Running, 3 Bedroom Bungalow, Tismee2, Tattooed Minivan Mom
Vodka Mom, Vespa Beth
Zipbag of Bones

Yes, the list is long and distinguished, but I couldn't just pick five or so people because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Everybody on this list either follows me or comments regularly and for that, you deserve an award. For one thing, you're obviously deeply disturbed and should be kept happy for everybody's sake, but more importantly, you bring a little sunshine to my day. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got something in my eye...


  1. FIRST!!

    Awesome, an award! Ooooo, I'm so gonna post this on my sidebar, right after I get my manicure (did you know there's a 'man' in manicure?).

    Thanks CDA!

  2. That is a pretty effin cool award. Thanks! Now how do I pass this thing on?

  3. Damnit, I need to read closer next time. *Goes to make up arbitrary rules for the award*

  4. Probably an eyelash. Next time try waterproof mascara.

    Proud to be the Captain's first...

  5. Thanks Cap'n - I'll happily accept your award and also humbly ask (since I'm still learning) - how do I put it on my blog?

  6. you are the MAN! (I bought my husband a mitre saw for Christmas two years agol I KNOW my LOWE'S baby...)

  7. Mitre saw's cut great trim. Why does that sound dirty (maybe just me). Is it a compound one?

  8. So, you didn't tell us the important stuff... did you go with colour (only for you would I spell that wrong) or clear polish?? A girl needs to know!! :)
    Thanks for the award. You guys are the greatest.

    Woo-Hoo, I am in the top 10!!!
    Love the award!
    Um, lets get a pedi together sometime and gossip...........

  10. What colour did you get on your toes or did you just got with the standard manly clear polish? I'll bet they look really pretty and kudos to you for being in touch with your feminine must be all those pink frilly awards getting to you and Good Father, huh?

    I love the award, and if I had a frigging clue how to post in my sidebar I would do so promptly. However, I am a bit dim, but you already knew that.

  11. Nothing like a skull and pirate's hat, fo sure. Was the pretty lady in the Fabulous award the tipping point?

  12. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thanks! Now I feel all funny inside...oh wait, just the coffee kicking in. Nevermind. Whew.

  13. Woot!!

    Manly, yes ... but I like it too. (Couldn't resist.)

  14. Ahoy, Captain Dumbass and Goodfather!

    Sorry I hadn’t responded sooner! Just got back inside from cutting down some trees behind the house. Of course, that was after I cleaned the wild boar I shot and wiped down my monster truck that I was using to haul some anchor chains down to the ship repair yard across the street from my forge and foundry! Whew! That is some thirsty work!

    (chugging a boilermaker, scratching my nards) Urp! (putting on fuzzy pastel slippers)

    Awards? Pour moi? Oh mah petite chous, how wonderful! WAIT? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME! MUST MISHANDLE SOME POWER TOOLS, STAT!

    (kerchunk. kerchunk. nailing hand to desk with pneumatic nailer)

    Aaahhh. Much better. Thank you for the awards, this is very cool. BUT, to firmly cement my rep as a rookie, what is the easiest way to display these on my blog page?

    And stop laughing, you’ll make me cry (again), I mean, start yelling profanities!

  15. Awe! my first award!! and it ROCKS!!

    as do you, Dumbass.

    I'm so glad it's not all frilly and pink and flowery and shit.. not really my style. ;)

    (wow.. i hope that doesn't make me sound manly! lol)

  16. award that does not have paisley flowers on it ;)

  17. Hm, will the skull and cross bones go with my site's color scheme? Meh, who cares? You rock!

  18. I'm totally post this. This is, by far, my favorite AWARD ever!

  19. You and Goodfather have outgooded yourselves again. I love it! Good stuff, guys, seriously.

    Maybe I'll take it a step further in the man up business and go get tatted up.

    Tats & Pirates rule!

  20. I love the manly booty award as it is contrasted to your "You look Fabulous" award. Then there's the very phalic Measuring Up award. It's like a sexshop on your sidebar.

  21. oh, happy day. i never win awards ;)

    i'd love to pass on the manly love. ha.

  22. I feel so honored, I think?!

    I think I need a peppermint mocha now.

  23. You are so totally awesome!! How did you know I love pirates? Yes, I know, I am so totally cool!!! Go ahead, stand in awe of me - I will wait. (This is the second time I am writing this comment - Blooger keeps eating my comments)

  24. Okay this sucks - Blooger again screwed me up - it registered another e-mail address ugh! Darn Blooger (can you tell I like that better than blogger?)

  25. OMgosh you so crack me up. Love the text convo. I, with great honor, accept your award. While on stage, instead of my usual princess wave, in the spirit of the manly man award, I shall flip everyone off.

  26. You don't wear thongs, do you?
    Thanks for the award... I'm going to Post It Forward (cool, I already have a title) just because I don't think any blog is complete without a skull and bones motiff. I'll belch loudly when I'm done in your honor.

  27. as soon as i learn how to display this magnificent piece of art, i will. thanks capn' its an honour.

    one of the faithful rowers

  28. Ok, to all those who don't know how to display awards.
    Go to "customize"
    Click on "add a gadget"
    Scroll down to "picture"
    At this point, I'm assuming you've copy pasted the award or pulled it onto your desk top or whatever
    Click "browse your computer" and pick the award
    Bob's your uncle

  29. heehee, you said 'booty'.

    (will you be offended if I re-size it to fit my fancy-fangled sidebar column?)


  30. Well you've hurt my feelings.
    OK, so this is only the second time I've visited, but still . . .

    Oh, then you said 'passing on the manly love' so I forgive you.

  31. Honestly, it's just an honor to be nominated along site the other 67 blogs you have listed here. I shall begin working on my talent portion of the competition.

  32. Got your instructions, thank you much! Awards have been posted, sir!

    And have I told you lately that i love you? In a manly sort of way. Not that there is anything wrong with that...

  33. ARGH! (that's my pirate imitation, stop laughing at me). That award ROCKS! I am totally stoked to have received it. And I think you just acquired a man crush from Jim if he didn't have one on you already cause we all know how he feels about pirate flags...

  34. Yarr! Thanks matey! I'll fly this from me highest mast with honor. (mind out of the gutter, Petra)

  35. Woo hoo, that is a very manly and awesome award. I'm with you, the awards I've been receiving, while nice and all, are a bit too girly for my taste so I'm glad to have something beefy to man up the place. I am a girl, btw, just not one who likes girly things. Thanks for the award, I will fly it proudly over at my place. And btw, your toes look spectacular but you should have gotten a wax job while you were in there.

  36. I am SO taking this award and waving it around, flaunting it in the face of all those who know me!! Or, I'll write a really nice post in your honour and pop that sucker up on my sidebar. Or both!!
    How 'bout that!

  37. I get the awarded part but what's the "boarded" all about?

    Now THAT'S my kind of award!

    I'm a SAHM by day and a pirate by night.

  38. SCORE! I am honored to have been included. Steenky did not steer me wrong...

  39. Love the award and logo - very nice looking (I am big enough to admit that even if I didn't get one) He, he, :)

  40. 40!!!

    Uh, I got nothing. Just wanted to type 40.


  41. OOOH! I like piratey stuff! Thanks!

    Did you get pirate decals on your nails?

    So you tried the peppermint thing at the Horton's?

  42. I'd like to thank all the little people who helped make this day possible. And I'd also like to say ala Sally Field, "You like me! You really like me!". And...uh...THANKS, dude. I really appreciate the shout out to my booty. Or my blog that has booty.

  43. i am so calling liar on that one.
    but good save.
    i'll take it and wear it with pride.
    (in other words ... i am not above begging for bloggy awards and making the givers feel sorry for me in the process.)
    and i promise ... if i ever make up an award ... you will be the first to receive it ... after i give it to myself.

  44. i totally love this award! i'll have to get it on my sidebar. thx for giving it to me :)

  45. How very Pirates of the Caribean! I wasn't mentioned, but I've only just started following your blog so not offended. HOWEVER.. Arrrrgghh I'm stealin' yer skull and crossbones for me booty! Umm wait a minute that didn't sound right!? Promise I don't have any unusual fetishes like that just like the award. So ARRRGGGHH you've been pirated!

  46. Found you through Goodfather. Love him, love you, love all the testosterone!

    Yay men!! Love them.

  47. Just wanted to say hi! I see your name all over the bloggy world (in posts and comment love). Now I see what all the fuss is about! Great blog! Will be back again soon!

  48. LMAO, you're a nut. thanks for the non-linky love :-)

  49. Hey Dumbass (I love that). Thanks for creating that award. I've jerked it around as usual and it's in my sidebar. Don't take offense. Now listen, who is Bad Karma? If you're not going to link, then talk. I need some bad karma yeah right sure...but DO THE LINKS, MAN!!!

  50. two awards in one day! i'm over the mooooon!

  51. Awesome! Totally manly and piratey award.

    We have a mitre saw in our garage. It is covered with cobwebs so thick that we put it out for a halloween display this year. I tried to talk my husband into selling it and he was all, "No way! That's my mitre saw. I might need to cut some crown molding soon." *sigh*


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.