Thursday, December 4, 2008

"Blood In The Streets It's Up To My Ankles..."

Despite what you may have heard, like I just did on an NBC affiliate in Seattle, Canada did not suffer from a coup d'etat yesterday. If only. Then once the smoke had cleared we could fill Parliament with chipmunks or kindergartners and see who does a better job. Hmm? Kindergartners? Connor Dumbass, Member of Parliament (congressman for my friends to the south). He already acts like the world revolves around his so that wouldn't be any different...

I've been feeling a little adrift since December began. I have a million and one things on the go right now, the house is in chaos because of Christmas decorating and... well I don't really have an and. And I don't really have a million things on the go, it just feels that way.

I have two projects I have to get finished before Christmas. These are my goals for December. First, is to finish painting MY FREAKIN' BATHROOM! Way back in... like August when I only had a few weeks of work left, I started talkin' smack about how I was going to get all this work done around the house, like finishing the stupid painting. I was going to get this done in the first week or so of my unemployment, finish all the big projects and then enjoy my time off. Then my brain imploded. Now it's December and the bathroom still looks much like it did three months ago. IT WILL BE PAINTED BEFORE CHRISTMAS! So it is written, so shall it be done.

Second is finishing off a project I started on Christmas Day last year. A story that was inspired by presents each of the boys received and the movie Pirates of the Caribbean which was on TV that day. The story is mostly bits and pieces, ideas that I've thought up over the year and jotted down but still haven't fit together yet. Of course, now that I've given myself a deadline do you think I could find an ounce of inspiration? Instead it's easier to read other people's blogs and play games like this. It's a geography game. They give you a world city or famous landmark and then you have to stick a pin where you think it is. 407,000 points my first try. I was 3 kilometres off the Sydney Opera House. 3 kilometres!

Wait, what was I supposed to be doing? Bah humbug!

*Oh, and remember, this weeks Friday pic is your vehicle. Whether it's your car, the bus you take, your shoes, motorcycle, sled dog, whatever. Email me. Newbies and lurkers are welcome.


  1. Holy crap! First!

    Let me know when Connor becomes an MP. I'd like permission to move to Canada.

  2. I am SO distracted by everything, that I can't get anything done, either! I can't even begin to think about all i need to do. Instead, here I am, visiting all my dumb ass friends. ( :-) )

  3. p.s. SHOuld I send my kindergartners up there to help?

  4. I heard the Somali pirates were inpired by that movie.

    Just so's you know...


  5. dude, i am in the top five. I have no clue what your post was about but I read it like a stalker and even laughed. Not sure why though.....
    anyhoo......tons to do and only 21 days left to do it in, bye.

  6. dude, i am in the top five. I have no clue what your post was about but I read it like a stalker and even laughed. Not sure why though.....
    anyhoo......tons to do and only 21 days left to do it in, bye.

  7. You are out in western Canada, yeah? Damn, I was going to drive over with some paintbrushes and a six-pack. I don't think i can do that in 2 hours or less! I'll visualize a paintbrush, set up some good karmic vibrations...

    Like the Doors reference...("Blood in the streets, its up to my knee...")

  8. Connor as PM and Barack as Pres. This works for me.

  9. Yeah, I have lots of unfinished projects too. Gotta get on them now, move, move, move... Ooh, update!

  10. When I first read your title, I was seriously expecting a grilled cheese man floating in soup again or something.

  11. I am NEVER going to get any work done!

  12. Aren't the house projects supposed to go unfinished? Isn't that part of their charm?

  13. How does this Friday pic thing work?

    Hang in there, we all appear to be stressed out this time of year. Your story sounds killer.

    And if it makes you feel better, my dad retired a year ago June with grand plans of doing all sorts of household projects. To date, he's accomplished 1) taking fiber daily and 2) napping daily. Nothing else.

  14. Does Santa really require us to be house and garden perfect? I think not.

    Keep it real! He knows you've been good.

  15. You have to love any post titled with "Peace Frog" lyrics. I'm lucky you reminded me about the pic for Friday.

    Now go paint! or finish the story. Don't make me come up there with the "big boot o' motivation."

  16. house in chaos?? you don't even know, man.. you.don't.even.KNOW.

    I'm so totally going to get you a picture!! (maybe I should just not do it because I've said again that I will and the last three times I did that I flaked.. hmm..) No, really, I'm going to do it.. right after I get the baby up, dress my girls, get some pants on my son (I mean, seriously, kid! it's freakin cold!), drink some coffee, shampoo the carpet, build a tree house, shovel the driveway.. yeah. hm.

  17. I'm at a loss. I don't know why, but I got nuttin'. But I didn't want you to think I was ignorning you, so I'm commenting absolute shit. Sorry.

  18. Should I send a picture of the rental car? It is an ugly Volvo.

  19. It's too bad I didn't live closer... I love to paint. I painted the kitchen in our old house 11 times before we moved and our living room at least 7 times. We only lived there for 5 years. Since moving, Mark has banned me from Lowes.

  20. Hopefully, the blood will be cleared by Christmas!!

  21. My daughter is a pirate in Peter Pan andit had its prview last night. Hilarious. The Captain and the pirates are dipping into the gay zone.

    Your award is up at my place. It definately compliments my ocean theme.

  22. Do you think you guys had a coup and they just politely didn't broadcast it to general Canada?

    Yeah, probably not.

    August? Schmeh! We bought our house 3 years ago, promptly ripped out the Cowboy Kitten wallpaper (shityounot) in our bathroom, and still, STILL can't agree on what happens after cowboy kittens with burlap trim.

  23. MAW-you have honourary citizenship.

    VM-it's easier than getting real work done, and yes.

    Ellie-you have to start somewhere.

    colepack-confused laughter is my aim.

    IG-takes me two hours just to get to Seattle so I don't think you'll make it. I like the idea of the 6 pack though.

    Michele-bet Obama doesn't have plans for that.

    SP-updates are evil, everybody needs to take a day off.

    Cookie-ha! Nope. I have another one planned, but it requires snow.

    Jess-too bad.

    Carolyn-it's not so charming when you start it and then ignore it.

    Cat-I like your dad. Email address is up in the right hand corner, send me a picture.

    CG-good? Ya...

    Heinous-I like when someone gets my references.

    CPM-imagine me blowing you a raspberry.

    MD-it's all good.


    SammanTHA-I despise painting. Could you move closer?

    Cameron-well, it is red...

    PHST-well, all alone at sea...

  24. Canada, we do love thee! I'm happy to live here most of the time, but the Mickey Mouse politics drive me insane! Squirrels, turtles and manatees would do a better job! Throw in some wild elephants and it's all good!

    Here's what I would recommend for your bathroom (from a fellow procrastinator): Invite friends over for a painting party. Assign the person with the steadiest hands the job of taping, give the person with the next steadiest hands the paint brush to do the trim, and then your friend with the shakes gets the big ol' roller brush! Let them know that they can all have beer and pizza AFTER the job is done and watch how fast they go!!! :)

    Good luck with the story. I've started about 10 of them this year and the IDEAS are all floating around my head, but I can't seem to tie it all in together. Every time somebody I know throws a bunch of stuff at me to reign it all in, no problem! Perhaps I should be a ghostwriter...

    Have a super Canadian day, eh?

  25. You still haven't finished that bathroom? For shame.

    Connor Dumbass would make a fine MP. Or US Senator. Either way, I'm sure he is just as capable as some of the yahoos that are running things.

  26. Um yeah, you wouldn't survive in my house being that much of a procrastinator when it comes to honey-do lists. Those are more important than breathing!! At least that is what my husband keeps telling me.

  27. That geography game - ugh! Like I need another reason to ignore my 2-year-old!!

    Your home sounds eerily like mine - Dear Hubby, when did you start a blog?


  28. What's a kilometre?

    You should totally post pictures of your painting project. That could make it more fun! I'm looking forward to Friday's picture post. For some reason, I'm absolutely convinced that Heinous drives a replica of (or the real) the Munster Koach.

  29. Dude, how big IS your bathroom?

  30. Oh, and I hope you're using latex... that way when you clean your hands of paint your mani will still be smokin'.

  31. Cap'n,

    My first visit to your blog and I find Doors lyrics, and from "Peace Frog" no less! I became a devoted follower at that point.


  32. I surprised my wife and daughter by painting the bathroom when they had a sleepover weekend at a friend's house. I chose a green the color of pistachio ice cream. ;)

    A wicked quick, one-coat job, but still it was an improvement.

    Aim for success, not perfection. Just do it!

  33. I only have one question. What color will you paint said bathroom? Also, is it colour or just color? Make it blood red. That'll teach Supreme Leader to put you in charge of anything.

    Also, really, if you'd think she'd like to come to a secluded mountain town with a bunch of strangers I'd love to meet her. Tell her we're nice, I promise. Also, I can corner her and ask her so many questions. I have so many questions.

  34. simplicity-another Canuck! I like the idea but all my friends are cyber and hard to wrangle into working.

    bc-he would make a fine MP. Senator would be cool too, but he'd never be able to be president. Still, I bet the parental fringe benefits would be better.

    krystal-not talking to you.

    EM-stay away from it, it's addictive.

    goodfather-you're going to have to learn it sooner or later.

    IB-welcome aboard. Stow yer gear and grab an oar.

    Anndi-thanks for the tip!

    SPG-if it were just paint it would be all good. Sadly there was scraping, mold removal, polyfil and sanding involved. Haven't touched the paint yet.

    steenky-blood red would be awesome and would SO work around here. And I think SL is mildly frightened by all of you.

  35. great pics. steenky is, as always, hilarious.


Come on, sailor. I love you long time.