Driving home last night.
Me: So I noticed I haven't got my ING statement in awhile.
Wife: They only send it out every quarter now.
Me: Ya, so I checked on-line today and I have $XXXX.
Wife: $XXXX? Were you walking with a swagger today?
Me: Um, no. It was more like:
Me: So I noticed I haven't got my ING statement in awhile.
Wife: They only send it out every quarter now.
Me: Ya, so I checked on-line today and I have $XXXX.
Wife: $XXXX? Were you walking with a swagger today?
Me: Um, no. It was more like:
...and, "if I put half of this toward debt will wifey let me buy something?"
Wife:Was it now.
Me: .....
Wife: Somebody already got himself a big tattoo this year. I think that we need to pay down the line of credit first.
You know, this was much funnier on the drive home, aside from having my materialistic greed crushed. Maybe I missed a sentence or two? Nah, that just sucks. How about this.
Driving home last night.
Me: So I noticed I haven't got my ING statement in awhile.
Wife: They only send it out every quarter now.
Me: Ya, so I checked on-line today and I have $XXXX.
Wife: $XXXX? Were you walking with a swagger today?
Me: It was more like me rubbing my hands together like this and wondering if I put half of it on the Line of Credit would wifey let me buy something?
(Wife puts her left hand on my cheek and leaves it there. 'Woot!' I think to myself, 'I'm getting a new digital SLR!' I stop for a red light and wife reaches over with her right hand and puts the car in park. 'Sweet! She's gonna kis-'
And my head is pushed into the driver's side window so hard I see stars.)
Wife: What's this 'my money' and 'I get to buy,' BS!? That's my money, bitch!
Me: (shaking my head) What the hell was that fo--?
(She grabs the back of my head and slams me into the steering wheel)
Wife: Did I give you permission to speak!? You're already in it and you're pushin? Fo' real?
Me: (cupping bleeding nose) I bus jus wuddering ib I coulb...
Wife: Shut up and drive me home! I'm hungry.
Children: (in the back chanting and laughing maniacally) Daddy's a little biatch, Daddy's a little biatch...
Ya, that's better. Might as well stick with the truth rather than embellishing. Sure she's all cute and smiley on the outside, but on the inside she's a killer ready to throw down in a heartbeat.
You know, this was much funnier on the drive home, aside from having my materialistic greed crushed. Maybe I missed a sentence or two? Nah, that just sucks. How about this.
Driving home last night.
Me: So I noticed I haven't got my ING statement in awhile.
Wife: They only send it out every quarter now.
Me: Ya, so I checked on-line today and I have $XXXX.
Wife: $XXXX? Were you walking with a swagger today?
Me: It was more like me rubbing my hands together like this and wondering if I put half of it on the Line of Credit would wifey let me buy something?
(Wife puts her left hand on my cheek and leaves it there. 'Woot!' I think to myself, 'I'm getting a new digital SLR!' I stop for a red light and wife reaches over with her right hand and puts the car in park. 'Sweet! She's gonna kis-'
And my head is pushed into the driver's side window so hard I see stars.)
Wife: What's this 'my money' and 'I get to buy,' BS!? That's my money, bitch!
Me: (shaking my head) What the hell was that fo--?
(She grabs the back of my head and slams me into the steering wheel)
Wife: Did I give you permission to speak!? You're already in it and you're pushin? Fo' real?
Me: (cupping bleeding nose) I bus jus wuddering ib I coulb...
Wife: Shut up and drive me home! I'm hungry.
Children: (in the back chanting and laughing maniacally) Daddy's a little biatch, Daddy's a little biatch...
Ya, that's better. Might as well stick with the truth rather than embellishing. Sure she's all cute and smiley on the outside, but on the inside she's a killer ready to throw down in a heartbeat.
Posts
I liked the second scenario much better. I think that's actually the true story and you're just pretending you have a mild mannered wife cause otherwise, you'd die of embarassment!
ReplyDeleteDon't make me show you my pimp hand!
ReplyDeleteI think I really like your wife :)
ReplyDeleteand I thought she had listened...
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely like the second scenario better as well. It seems believable in that I believe Dumbass needs that sort of discipline. You go girl. ( that was meant fir SL, not CD.)
ReplyDelete