Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Will Clean For Sex

Now, I don't generally like to brag, but I'm hoping to get lucky soon and I'm thinking yesterday is gonna see me some action. Supreme Leader had an extended 10 hour shift so it was just the monkeys and me. Walking home from school Connor decided he wanted pancakes for lunch. I tried to suggest some other yummy substitutes but no, he wanted pancakes. Supreme Leader has walked me through it so I gave in to the inevitable and decided to give it a shot. And guess what? I didn't f*ck them up. Kids didn't get sick or anything. Sure they might have been a little darker on one side than the other and the edges were a little weird (have to work on my spatula skills) but they looked and tasted like pancakes. And just before you go thinking I'm a total pansy-ass and was using a mix, betta step back! It was just me and the Joy of Cooking.

And THEN the fever took me. The weather is changing and I decided it was time to clean up the cave before the rains begin. I washed the kitchen floor, the foyer and two out of three bathroom floors. (The en suite has carpet so washing it wouldn't have been a good idea. I know, carpet, but I didn't put it there and in the winter when the floor is cold... not so bad) I washed all three toilets, inside and out. I vacuumed the whole first floor. Spent quality time with the boys working on their writing & colouring skills. Took the kids to the school barbeque. Finally defeated Bowser with Liam in Super Mario Galaxy and got the kids in bed in time to watch The Terminator and Heroes. Oh, and posted. And I think I'm even missing some stuff in there too.

What do you think? Am I going to get lucky? And what happened to the days I would just put on my best Barry White voice and drop a "How you doin'?"

And then today rolled around and things turned...

And nicely segued into some...



Liam and I picked up Connor from school. One wanted to play in the playground before going home and the other didn't. Blows were exchanged. Play time ended. Two little boys screamed at each other the ENTIRE walk home. Daddy surprisingly kept his shit together most of the way home. Even laughed at how exhausted the little monsters were getting. The only time he had to lay down THE LAW was when one of them threatened to throw some type of orange berry at daddy and his pristine white lululemon hoodie. That DID NOT FLY. Why have I become the third person?

Whatever. I enjoyed a quiet (kinda) lunch by myself while the boys continued to shout at each other through their closed doors. Now... well, I was just about to say how everything is fine and we're all getting along but there seems to be a fight brewing over the Wii. Sigh.

21 comments:

  1. The discussion of cleaning made me all hot.

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  2. I agree with MAW. I don't care what a guy looks like, if he does that for me, I'm a goner. We wouldn't leave the bedroom until it was time to clean again!

    You should totally score some nookie.

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  3. DUDE! You're gonna get lucky! But hurry and redeem that love coupon fast. Husband credit doesn't last for too long because wives have convenient memories. Good for you, though. Be sure you do what my husband does. Take your wife on a tour of all the cleanliness and point out everything you did. You really need to market yourself for sexy time.

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  4. Dude - You'd better get some hot sex out of that cleaning frenzy. WHOOT WHOOT

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  5. I love all of you. I'm thinking an email to work is called for.

    "Dear Supreme Leader, the internet wants us to have sex. Soon."

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  6. Cleaning is an automatic sex pass. Thankfully my husband learned this a long time ago. My house gets cleaned regularly by him. Wow that might be TMI.

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  7. Just pull up your comments as proof. That'll convince her.

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  8. This is too much pressure. I think I might cave in....or be paralysed by stage fright.

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  9. I'm with the other ladies.

    Anyone that cleans for me is so getting lucky. Very lucky.

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  10. Supreme Leader: You kill me every time. Now I feel oddly used by the Captain for his own gain.

    Also, I hear that the Captain got called up again to clean up a mess on the kitchen floor. You have no choice now. Surrender!!!

    P.S.: You're such a good sport.

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  11. Yeah...I think it's worth something. I mean...we both work now...but I can remember a day when I would have gladly offered sex to anyone who would clean the bathroom (without being asked) rather than leaving it for me to do.

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  12. Well, you definitely should rate some lovin' after all of that. I wish my husband could get his head around this concept. That I will totally do him if he scrubs some floors. Absolutely worth it.

    Have fun you crazy kids!

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  13. Well. I think the public has spoken and I like what I'm hearing.

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  14. Men who clean are very sexy. Totally.

    I'm not just sayin' that.

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  15. Donig the Laundry.

    That's Code.

    An empty laudry basket + full, nicely folded dresser drawers + clean
    Kids = Happy ending.

    Bonus points for mopping the Floor.

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  16. Mopping? Hands and knees, dude. That deserves something special.

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  17. Oh, your last comment was soooo suggestive. You did that on purpose, didn't you?

    Supreme Leader is such a good sport.

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  18. i wish my husband would clean for sex. he's got it way too good. all he has to do is come home from work for sex. heh.

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  19. First time here and loved your post. My kids are teens and yeah, hope you got some. Cleaning does it.

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  20. I'm emailing this to my husband.
    He'll type a thank you to you later, with his dish pan hands and a smile on his face.

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  21. He may thank me later but he'll be cursing my ass until then.

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Come on, sailor. I love you long time.