Saturday, May 31, 2008

Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show

Ever wonder what happened to Wesley Crusher after he left the Enterprise? Now you know.

"Now it's time for nature to pollinate your face!"

Thanks Jodi.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Ever seen the warning message when there's a coding error in something you're trying to post? Sometimes when I'm trying to cut stuff I've found out of Firefox and then paste it into Safari where I'm working on my blog the computer gets a little pissy. Why do I do stuff in two separate browsers? That's just the way we roll here, did I tell you how to dress this morning? Anyway, when I was working on the last post it wasn't pasting, so being a man I just kept hitting the buttons harder and swearing. Then it worked and I had a Bible's worth of code. Oops. So I cut off the excess fat and tried to publish. Then I got an error message that should have come with a blaring alarm and flashing lights. "Core has breached! Anti-matter containment will fail in 15 seconds!" Fear, Fire, Foe!

My Editor and Chief has recently brought to my attention the fact that I cannot spell, use correct grammar, punctuation, keep my tenses straight, form a paragraph, write with any structure whatsoever and cannot tell the difference between your and you're or there and their.

I so totally can. I write most of my stuff at breakfast though, at like quarter to six. Cut me some slack. And before starting this blog, it's been a loooooong time since I had to write anything more coherent than a birthday card. Besides, I'm married, I don't have to remember anything anymore.

Happy Friday

Lip Dub: Journey's Don't Stop Believing from Julia Allison on Vimeo.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


The Andromeda Strain

Watched the end of The Andromeda Strain last night, which was great until the last fifteen minutes when it degenerated into a montage of every action movie ending you've ever seen. WTF? Thanks for ruining the last 3 hours and 45 minutes.

So a cure for the virus is discovered and every body's happy until the self destruct mechanism is activated. Ok, no prob, seen it a hundred times, but you need a big finish so I'll go with it. Then the only panel that the system can be deactivated from on their floor is damaged. Sigh....sure, let's just get on with it. THEN, our heroes manage to find a a way to access another floor in the super-safe-quarantine lab within seconds. Oops, not so secure after all. And, of course, it just happens to be through this huge elevator shaft that doesn't have an elevator but does drop straight down to the coolant tank for the nuclear reactor power plant that is about to blow up the facility. Now Benjamin Bratt and Ricky Schroder have to monkey climb up this thing which for some unknown reason begins to rain down debris just to make things more exciting. Huh? The reactor is at the base of the facility. What the hell is with the styrofoam falling from the sky? Now because Schroder is not 12 but has changed his name back to a 12 year old's, he has to die. He avoids an easy escape and sacrifices himself for the greater good. Uh oh! We need his thumb print to deactivate the self-destruct? Enter Daniel Dae Kim who now sacrifices himself to jump in the coolant tank and chop off Schroeder's thumb. Not sure why the coolant kills him, but whatever, lesser characters need to die here, just following formula. Now, Kim's character has just suffered a gran mal seizure but 5 minutes ago. Somehow though he is able to throw a human thumb something like 60 straight up to Benjamin Bratt while dying in a vat of reactor coolant. That's impressive.

Bratt catches the thumb, finds an opening to the floor he needs and is then blinded by hot steam. Oh, for Christ's sake... Onward hero! So now he crawls his way down an air vent, which somehow collapses underneath him as it's suffering from the same poor engineering that's causing the styrofoam roof to fall. Down he falls to the floor, broken and blind. Blah blah blah, self-destruct shut down with less than 20 seconds to go, yadda yadda yadda. I stayed up til midnight for this? I gotta get up at 5am, bitches, and this is the ending you give me? Seriously?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

iPod, Pathogens & Fish Tanks

My iPod is back to normal so all is right with the world again. Aside from the the imminent job loss and all. Anyway, it was a lot easier to reinstall the software than I remember the last time, though the last time was the first time I'd done it and was worried about losing all my shit. Aside from hitting "ok" a few times I didn't have to do anything. I'd forgotten it backs up everything in my iTunes, including everything in my note pad.

And that has nothing to do with anything aside from being pretty cool.

Stayed up til midnight watching the Andromeda Strain remake on A & E which was great. The original was good and all but this was a little more fast paced and exciting. And "Utah" reminded me of home as it was actually the interior of BC. I didn't watch the credits afterward but I'm assuming Piedmont was actually Merritt, BC.

A quick question for Hollywood. If Lost can let Daniel Dae Kim, a Korean, actually play a Korean, why not rewrite his Chinese character as a North Korean? They kept trying to blame the out break on the North Koreans anyway. Just wondering.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Feeling decidedly disheveled today. My shoes feel too big, my jacket feels like it belongs to someone else and my back feels like it's covered with a think coat of goo. Wait, my back is covered with a thick coat of goo. Or at least a coat of vitamin A and D cream to help my tattoo heal and not get infected. I absolutely despise the feeling of creams or ointments between my skin and my clothes so that probably isn't helping. That and the fact that my beloved iPod keeps crashing. It does that occasionally. Now I'll have to reload the software again which is a pain in the ass. It started Saturday on my trip down to Seattle. Fumbling with your iPod doing 110km (70-ish) down the I-5 is not a good thing. Wouldn't have been so bad if I'd been in the van, that thing's a tank, my sister-in-law's Subaru though, you exhale more from your right lung than your left and the car is drifting that way. Don't get me wrong, I love that car. We used to have one before the van. That's a car you'd want for a police chase. Maybe not on the highway, but for in the city where you need to turn on a dime and corner like you're on rails, hell ya.

Where am I going with this? No idea, but the note pad and the music won't work at the same time now so I've got to keep myself distracted on the bus somehow. But now since I'm getting nauseous maybe it's time to switch back to the music.

Hours later. I figured it out as soon as I got in the office. Forgot to put on deodorant. That's why I carry the man-purse, always prepared. I'm thinking arming myself might not be a bad idea either. There's a rising tension level in the office, a feeling of imminent violence. Maybe I should turn my desk around so my back is to the wall?

Sunday, May 25, 2008


Saturday I finally finished my tattoo. Five sessions, twenty-three hours of work, twenty hours of driving back and forth to Seattle and who knows how long waiting at the border and it's finally done. Once it's healed for a few days I'll put up a picture.

In an ironic twist of fate, this week also marked the end of my job. Wednesday afternoon my department found out we've been "centralized" to Toronto. It's been a long week. At least last year when Bernadette's place closed down they knew it was coming. It still sucked, but they'd been talking about it for awhile. This was out of nowhere. Thank goodness I'm already in therapy! Speaking of, kudos to my therapist who decided we should do a little crisis management and actually role played me through telling Bern. I hate role playing, but it definitely helped dropping that bomb.

So ya, August 28th and my 13 (ha ha!) years at my company come to an end. Well, unless I find something else there, but positions at my level are scarce and the idea of dropping a level... we'll see. "At my level," sounds like I'm upper management or something and not just another slave at the oar. At least with thirteen years under my belt I've got a good package. Oh, so many many jokes in that last sentence...

Anyway, that was my week. If you know anybody who's hiring or you need any odd jobs done around the house, let me know. I've got some free time soon.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Apropos Nothing...

This is Mount Rundle in Banff National Park. 2,948 metres or 9,672 ft, depending on which side of the border your on.

See the left side where it just drops off into infinity? I peed over the edge. : )

Friday, May 23, 2008


This is beautiful. Out of the 3250 cross-walk buttons in New York, only 750 of them actually work. Computers control all the rest.

The city deactivated most of the pedestrian buttons long ago with the emergence of computer-controlled traffic signals, even as an unwitting public continued to push on, according to city Department of Transportation officials. More than 2,500 of the 3,250 walk buttons that still exist function essentially as mechanical placebos, city figures show. Any benefit from them is only imagined.

This is the same with elevator open/close door buttons in newer elevators. They don't work. Keep pushing though if it makes you feel better.

NY Times

My Armpits Are Blue

I got a new white polo shirt from American Eagle last weekend. I wore it yesterday for the first time. My deoderant is blue. Sigh. I told one of my co-workers and she made me this beautiful portrait.

Is there a particular reason deoderant needs a colour? Seriously. And is it just a man thing? I'm not really familiar with woman's deoderant so I'm not sure if they have the same thing. My armpit isn't really on public display, ever. And if it was, I'd prefer it to be the same colour as the rest of me. Just like I would have liked my white shirt to be white everywhere.

This is my week.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Found these insane pictures of a wedding in Sichuan, China last week during the 7.9 earthquake. It takes a moment for all the photos to load up, but be patient as they are amazing.


via Kottke

And Somedays...


Monday, May 19, 2008

Sunday and Inevitability

I love it when I'm trying to upload photos to Blogger and it takes so long I can't even remember what the fuck I was going to blog about in the first place. And what the hell is with the first picture? It looks great on my computer but like ass here? Whatever, it took so long to upload I'm not going to delete it now.

And speaking of frustration... This is what yesterday started out like. It was a sunny pink and blue flowery kinda morning. Or a Siberian something or other (not Forget Me Nots so shut up with that) and Virginia something something should-have-kept-those-tags kinda morning. Full of promise and hope.

Full of cute children doing cute things. Cute children who were apparently possessed by aliens this week because they were so well behaved and nice their parents did not know what to do with them. Parents who just decided to go with it and enjoy because inevitably it would end.

So then it was off for a pleasant lunch. Mmm, ginger sauce. What would I not eat with a little ginger sauce? Road kill? Nope, I'd eat that too. Plum sauce, meh.

Then inevitability caught up with us and it all went to hell. If you happened to be on Main Street in Vancouver yesterday and were passed by a light blue Caravan full of screaming banshees, we apologize. You probably thought the Hell Mouth had just opened, and you were right. Luckily for you though it was inside a mini-van heading south as fast as the law would permit... and then some. I'd like to say all was well once we reached home, but it wasn't. Some solitary confinement was dealt out, a hand full of Advil was taken and screaming carried on until it just got boring.

Ah, Sunday.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

They're Back

Me: Hi guys.
Allergies: Hi Chad!
Me: It's been awhile, hasn't it?
Allergies: Oh yes, we've missed you terribly.
Me: But you're back now.
Allergies: We're back.
Me: Little late this year, aren't you?
Allergies: A little, but don't worry, we'll make up for lost time.
Me: I bet you will.
Allergies: We've missed you terribly.
Me: You said that.
Allergies: We've missed you terribly.
Me: Please stop...
Allergies: We've missed you SO MUCH!

Blockbuster Museum

Thursday, May 15, 2008

My Daily Commute

There's this girl I see every morning on my way to work. The way our buses run, she's usually walking ahead of me. I've noticed because, at the risk of being crude, baby got back. Baby also couldn't walk a straight line if her life depended on it. First time I saw her she looked like she was drunk though I had my doubts being it was 7:30am and she was dressed for the office. The next few times I saw her I thought maybe she had some type of disabilty, but after some observation (and remember, I'm just walking to work, not stalking) I've just decided she can't walk worth a damn.


That's an impressive ad.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
— Lily Tomlin
Twitter update from Kottke:

Becoming a parent means that you tear up when Forrest Gump meets his son for the first time.

So true. I'm such a marshmellow now.

Conversations With Co-workers

Texting a friend who's going to Vegas today

CW: Why are old people so annoying?
Me: You'll be old and crotchety one day.
CW: I know… shit… I am selling my mom and grandpa…for cheap
Me: I'll ask around. Airport already?
CW: No, soon. Hate to fly… I watched Snakes on a Plane… scared.
Me: Ha ha! You're dumb. If you see Samuel Jackson on the plane, get me an autograph.
CW: Who's that
Me: Bald black guy from the movie.
CW: I kick his ass.
Me: I don't doubt it. When you back?
CW: Saturday.
Me: Well, have fun and don't kill your family. Nevada has the death penalty.
CW: I kill myself
Me: Can I have your chair? (She has an awsome chair. You know those gel pads you can get for your shoes? Imagine that for your ass.)

My Daily Commute

I write a lot of smack about Transit and the people who ride it, but it's not all bad. Here's a pic of the number 9 Broadway and number 3 Main Street bus. (click on the photo to enlarge, for its full grandeur)

Just needs a little rain photoshopped in and it would be perfect.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Who are all the cab drivers talking to on the phone all the time? Other cab drivers?


Can I Get An Amen?!

Last Saturday I wrote about Connor's new love for gospel. It's one of those things that needs to be experienced. So, here's Mahalia Jackson, the Edwin Hawkins singers and Connor.

Oh Happy Day! from Zoo Keeper on Vimeo.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Happy Face

Monday! I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass!

I don't know what this squirrel's story is, but he's pissed. Click on him to make him bigger. Enjoy his furry angst.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

First off, Management would like it noted that she had to cook her own Mother's Day breakfast. Duly noted. However, this did ensure an enjoyable breakfast and avoided Mother's Day food poisoning and I think we can all agree, this is a good thing.

Ever tried to get a 3 and 4 year old to stand still for a picture? Loads and loads of FUN.

I've come to truly hate the way flashes wash all the colour out of photos so I was trying to take this morning's without, which is why they're in the kitchen in front of the patio window. Unfortunately this also means they have to stand relatively still.

That was the only picture taken with a flash and the only one that didn't come out blurry. Thing is, even the blurry ones are good in their own way and since I couldn't decide which one to use, I've used them all.

This one is my favourite. I'm not sure how flash preferences fit into Mother's Day greetings, but there it is. And since I have to go help fight Megatron so Mommy can cook some more for tonight's Mommy's Day feast, this is where it ends.

Happy Mother's Day to all my favourite Mommies.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Oh Happy Day!

On Friday, Meg Fowler posted a link to her Muxtape (if you don't know what Muxtape is, think website and the mixed tapes you used to make back in the day) which is a mix of soul music. Didn't get a chance to listen to it until this morning while I was getting the kids breakfast ready. The first song is Oh Happy Day by Mahalia Jackson. Click the link if you've never heard it. Anyway, this is a gospel song and one of the lines is "when Jesus walked." Now, the boys had to be taught not to say 'Jesus' because they may have picked it up from one of their parents who happened to use it inappropriately in their presence. We don't need to point fingers here, it doesn't matter which parent, in fact, it could have been on tv, right? Sure. So this phrase starts coming up in the song, which I have on loud, and Connor starts saying, "Daddy, they're saying a bad word." Um... So then follows a sad attempt to explain the difference between using Jesus' name in a song and using it when you've stubbed your toe. Have you ever tried to explain something to a four year old? It's much like trying to talk to a puppy. All he got out of it was that he now has an excuse to say something he was not previously allowed to say, as long as he sings it. So my little boy who hates singing is now wandering the house singing "Jesus walked" over and over again. Though he's not quite getting that right either since it seems to be coming out "what Jesus wore" or Jesus war."

Oh happy day.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Destiny, John, is a fickle bitch.
-Ben Linus

Common Sense

There should be awards.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


The past week or so has been non-stop sick children. Puke, mucus, jumping out of bed at all hours, sharing bed with feverish-wildly thrashing-coughing little people, short tempers, exhaustion.

Last night, dragging the two of them around the living room in a large tupper ware bin made up for all of it. Listening to that laughter makes up for everything. It didn't matter that the constant spinning was making me physically ill, or that when I'd fall to the ground waiting for my equalibrium to return they'd start using me as a trampoline. That laugh, the laugh of utter joy, abandonment to the moment, the laugh only someone with only 3 or 4 years under their belts and without the weight of the world on their shoulders can produce, that makes everything ok.

That's what it's all about.

WTF Wednesday

Atlas moth. Beautiful yes, but no insect should be allowed to become that big. It's only one more step from that to Starship Troopers.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Just Cause It's Pretty

I wrote about this story last week, and since then ESPN has done a story on it. Give it a watch. You might not like baseball, I don't, but it's still a great story. And if it doesn't touch you, you probably pull the wings off butterflies.

Monday, May 5, 2008

My Profession

Well, no. Not at all. But it does allow me access to a really big server.

And Because It's Monday...

You know which boat I'm in.

Some Monday Morning Love

Have a good day.

Sunday, May 4, 2008


You: So, wifey's working tonight. What did you feed the kids?
Me: Ichiban.
You: (to yourself) Dead beat. No macaroni?
Me: Your words hurt. Besides, I gave them macaroni last night. And this was special Ichiban...

You: Special? What? You threw in some frozen peas and corn?
Me: Well, ya actually. But I also added some turkey sandwich meat, some bok choy, black beans and ginger from last night, some cubed cheddar and dropped an egg in it.
You: Hmm...
Me: Ya, so piss off.

Clear The Decks!

I use the Notes application in my iPod a lot and for all sorts of things. Lots of blog ideas go in there when I'm not around a computer. Unfortunately, many of them go stale on the shelf before they make it here. As do many of the images I find that sit around on my desk top patiently waiting for me to upload them. So, time for some spring cleaning. This will be disjointed and totally without theme. If you experience any dizziness, look away from the screen until the feeling passes.

But first... wait... there's a 3 year old asking for assistance with Super Mario...sorry, he needed a quick lesson on how to steer a giant manta ray. Kids. So, my one true accomplishment for the weekend was this:

Look at the precision! No, ignore the wall paper. IGNORE IT! Go to a happy place, a place that's not 1978. Look at the symmetry. If you knew the advanced mathematics, the super string/particle/chaos theory that went into getting those things in a straight line...

Anyway, off we go.

Bus: near panic, where's my phone? Where did this chemical-like dependency come from? A seat to myself!

Annoyed with my family's long standing assumptions that I'm the calm one that never loses his temper. If they only knew.

I handle all the decorating.

Soft pasgetti-you can't make it in your room.

Wish List:
New sofa and chairs-1969
Kitchen-don't even cook, but even I recognize this layout blows. When we're both in there I'm sure she wants to shove me out of the way just as much as I do. And add some expletives to boot.
New Paint
Digital SLR

Pixels- humans see 350 to 500, an eagle sees 1296!

A co-worker once told me I should hold my kids as much as I could because too soon they'll grow up and won't want to. He said it as a joke but I could tell he was serious. Serious and hurt. Connor weighs almost as much as his mommy, but I still pick him up whenever he wants me to.

You know that feeling when someone attractive of the opposite sex smiles at you? Smile at a stranger.

Spinal compression, Hancock.

Liam-booger, sneezes. Connor, achoo in his sleep.


Clean slate.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Saturn, From Below

Cause that's pretty damn cool.

Funnier If You Own A Mac

Well, funny in a homicidal rage kinda funny. If you're a PC user, think hour glass.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

It's Not About Winning

Sara Tucholsky is a senior from Western Oregon who plays for the school's softball team. The 5'2 player has never hit a home run and for this season, her last, she only had 3 hits recorded for 34 turns at bat. In one of her last games of the season she hit a home run with two runners on base. Because of her excitement she missed 1st base and had to go back to touch. As she did this she blew out her knee. Because she couldn’t walk on her own the only option availible was to replace her with a pinch runner. Her home run would no longer count but only be recorded as a base hit. If any of her coaches or trainers touched her she would be out.

That was when the opposing team offered to carry her to each base.

Excuse me, something in my eye.

via Kottke & ESPN

Email From Home 2

Your son has major MAN COLD

Email From Home

Your son has MAN COLD

Connor seems to be on the road to recovery. Don't know if his fever has finally broken, but we were up last night at around 2 looking for an apple because he woke up hungry and wanted one. Hopefully the exit door is finally taking a break and we can get the entrance back open. It's been four hours and the apple is still on the inside.