Friday, November 30, 2007

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Semi-conscious discussion last night in bed after just having watched the Bionic Woman kick a blond dreadlocked bad guy's ass.

"You can never have dreadlocks."

"Would take too long to grow...then again, my hair grows really fast. Probably wouldn't take that long to start it."


"Instead of blond though, I could dye each dread a different colour! Hmmm, might end up looking like the gay pride flag."

"My soul is bleeding."

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Conversations with Liam: 3

Mommy: Liam! Get your fingers out of your nose.

Liam: But I'm trying to think!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Wish List

Sure it costs $78 million dollars, but who wouldn't want their own personal luxury submarine.

At 65-meters (213 feet) in overall length, and with a beam in excess of 8 meters (26 feet), the Phoenix is a vehicle of formidable size. Yet despite its 1500-ton displacement, the submarine is quite streamlined. Given the significant waterplane area and ample internal volume, which allows for greater battery storage, the Phoenix will out-perform smaller counterparts in surface speed, submerged speed and submerged endurance. The large pressure hull diameter allows for very large acrylic viewports, making the undersea viewing capability truly extraordinary. The interior space, with the noted absence of structural bulkheads, provides for tremendous versatility in interior layout and space planning. And finally, the Phoenix's large size coupled with its integrated roll stabilization system makes surface transit quite comfortable in all but the worst conditions.

It can stay submerged for two weeks straight and even comes with its own mini-sub that can dive to 2000 feet (the Phoenix is only rated to a 1000) or shuttle passengers to the surface. It's so automated it only requires a crew of 4 to operate. The only thing it needs is a global crime syndicate.

US Submarines

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Cool CPU

I'll never go back to PC's after having a Mac, but if I did, I'd definitely get this guy to build me a tower.

Conversations with Connor: 2

Daddy: Connor, what happened to the living room?

Connor: It crashed.

USB Vacuum

This is a real functioning vacuum that plugs into your USB port. 8" tall, $20. From Whatever Works.

Two Year Olds And The Importance Of A Good Medical/Dental Plan

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Yum Yum Dim Sum

So it was the keyboard after all, disaster averted. The sales lady at the Apple store suggested the waterproof keyboard that comes with the new Mac. I wish. Anyway, still here. Took the boys out for dim sum today and they actually behaved and ate. Then came home and put up the Christmas lights since it was nice out. Not a bad day. Now it's time for dinner and then we're all off to mommy and daddy's bed to watch Ratatouille.

Friday, November 23, 2007


We may or may not have a computer this weekend. Turns out the keyboard does not like having water poured into it. As much as I'd like to blame this on the kids, I may have had something to do with this. Anyway, I'll be getting a new keyboard after work, hopefully that fixes it. If not....


Why don't we have Thanksgiving the same time as the States does? I'm guessing it probably has something to do with us being farther north and harvest season is earlier because of the cold. Or maybe I'm just talkin out my ass. Whatever, it's plausible. Anyway, I like the way it kinda kicks off the whole holiday season. Much nicer than ours. Now, if we could celebrate both... three turkey dinners inside 2 months. Mmmmm.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Cool Cards

I'm so ordering some of these cards from Rosebud Design. Sorry if you get one after seeing it here. Just appreciate the thought.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Free Rice

Very cool website that makes you smarter and feeds people.

Free Rice


I bought a pair of cords a couple of weeks ago. I'm pretty sure the last time I owned a pair of cords the third digit of the year had a 7 in it and my age was in the single digits. Matter of fact, they were probably hand me downs as well. I love these pants. They are insanely comfortable. I'm just saying.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Public Service Announcement For Xbox Users

Your Xbox controller will not support the body weight of a two year old and still function properly.


Not something I generally do, unless I can get a laugh out of it, but...

When you think of happy people, of say, a whole country of happy people, a race, Filipinos gotta be up there in your top 5. In fact, just try making that list right now. All you can think of is Filipinos, right? Now I'm sure there are just as many asshole Flips out there as there are in any other ethnic group, but all in all, these are happy people.

How did my Starbucks get mean ones? These three are evil. I'm sorry Sparkles, did my coffee card have dog poo on it? Is that why you looked at it with such distain this morning? Sorry I interrupted your day by making you ring in my order.

And sorry Mr. Barrista. It's ok, I'll just walk around to your side of the counter to get my americano since it was obviously too much work to put it anywhere near me.

The only bright light is the tall blond guy who I'd totally pegged as gay until I saw his Kerri Russell look-a-like girlfriend. Kudos brother.

Monday, November 19, 2007


PBJ & K from Zoo Keeper on Vimeo.


Random thoughts and observations from my walk to Starbucks:

Umbrella's. People who walk under the eaves of buildings even when they are using an umbrella should be shoved into the street. Regardless of age.

There's an apartment building going up across the street from where I work. Walk past this guy this morning smokin a fatty. It's 9:30 in the morning. Hope you're operating something really big like the crane.

Walking behind this guy on the way back who, at first glance, looks like he's got a really pronounced bald spot on the top of his head. Upon closer inspection it's actually a giant and unfortunate looking growth. Swear to god this guy had a testicle growing out of his head.

Change of Diet

Just came back from the men's room. I had to blow my nose but of course, being a man I don't keep practical things like tissue paper at my desk. Anyway, went into a stall to get some toilet paper and noticed the toilet seat was covered in sawdust. There were no signs of construction or large holes in the walls anywhere in the bathroom. There is such a thing as too much fibre.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Liam's Fortune Cookie

Culture. Oh ya.

Still Here

It's been a slack-ass weekend. Well, for the most part. I have done about a thousand loads of laundry. Moved Connor's bed into Liam's room. Then moved it back to Connor's room. (Seemed like a good idea at the time.) Oh, and I climbed on to the roof to empty a few pounds of pine needles out of my gutter so it would stop overflowing. However I was too lazy to dig the ladder out. I used the van as a ladder instead.

Connor just came in and started dancing to Macy Gray. Dancing as only a 4 year old could. Now he's chanting, "it's all about me!" Not sure where that came from.

Liam got a hold of my cell twice today and started taking pictures with it. Once I would have passed off as lucky. Twice is a little spooky. Granted he filled the memory card with close-ups of his finger, but still, should I be worried that my 2 year old can operate my phone?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Conversations with Liam: 2

Daddy: Liam, hon, are you hungry?

Liam: Yes, but I tried the turkey breast and I was happy.

Daddy: Um.... ok.

Thoughts on Thursday

Wouldn't it be nice if you could throw a switch on certain things your body does? Like hair growth? Not that I don't enjoy shaving every freakin day. Weee! But wouldn't it be nice to have a little control there. Evolutionary-wise, it was nice, but it had its time. I have a lot of left-overs in the fridge so I don't think I'll be stalking any woolly mammoths through the snow tonight. If I could look as cool as Tom Selleck I'd grow a moustache, but since I can't why do I need to grow this hair? And ladies, wouldn't it be nice to skip monthly menstrual joy? Do you really need that every month? I don't think continuation of the species is an issue anymore.

Just a pre-6am random thought.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Things You Won't Find At Grandma's

Subversive Cross Stitch

The Weather And My Lower Gastric Tract

Things I've consumed today:

1. Three cups of coffee.
2. Left over chicken and mushroom congee.
3. Raspberry Activa.
4. A crumb of bran muffin that fell out of Liam's mouth when I was feeding him.

One, all, or a combination of these things are trying to kill me this morning. As I sit here (uncomfortably) watching an airborn parade of leaves, trees, cows and small fishing boats fly past my back window and muse on the parallels in my own stomach...

Hold that thought.

Desperate Measures

Just ran across this one. It's about a very interesting method a new mother used to get her fussy newborn to sleep.

Holiday Monday

And what a lovely morning it's been so far. The boys did not wake up until past 8. EIGHT. Connor was up just after and Liam didn't wake up until 8:30! Why couldn't they have spread that out a little? Like instead of waking up at 6:30 yesterday, maybe 7:15 and the same today? Too much to ask for? And, of course, the day they do wake up late, mom and dad both woke up early. Sigh. On the bright side, I did have time to make myself a cup of coffee and go back to bed and read for awhile. The hurricane force winds that are still going strong didn't even bother them. I'm thinking today will be an indoor day.

Bern is currently looking for something to bake while I eat left over congee for breakfast. Mmmm. The boys are keeping each other entertained. It's shaping into a relaxing day.

Another retraction involving last night's post on the creamsicle ice cream. It was great while I was eating it. Afterwards, however.... I'd liken the taste to boiled corpse and puddle water from a sugar cane field. I think ice cream makers need to make craving sized portions, like say the size of a yogurt container. Then you've got it out of your system and you're not stuck with the embarrassing task of disposing of the leftovers. Or, on the flip side, now you know you want to buy a bigger portion. Just a thought.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to doing... nothing.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Yes I Am Going To Eat This

Creamsicle ice cream, do I really need this? Sure. Like another hole in my head, my appendix, my tail bone, a sixth finger. Is it worth it?

Oh ya.

It Must Be November

Environment Canada:

Rainfall warning for: Greater Vancouver
Issued at 4:06 PM PST SUNDAY 11 NOVEMBER 2007


Wind warning for: Greater Vancouver
Issued at 4:06 PM PST SUNDAY 11 NOVEMBER 2007


It's a good thing we have a king sized bed. I'm sure we'll have a couple of visitors tonight.

Michelle's Birthday

Looks like a well behaved two year old, right?

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Conversations With Liam

Liam: Mommy! I want to tell you a question.

Bern: Ok Liam, what is it?

Liam: It's called freeze! (Thrusts hand towards Mommy like he's stopping traffic)
And I can open anything.

Bern: Honey, did your brother hit you in the head?

He's been watching Star Wars lately. We're assuming he's trying to use his Jedi powers. We're hoping.

Conversations With Connor

Connor: Look Mommy, my plane is flying over the ocean.

Bern: Wow Connor, that's a lot of water.

Connor: Yes Mommy, that's why it's called the ocean.

Child Free Day

With the exception of breakfast at Denny's. Picture by Liam. Apparently when you're two strawberry pancake sauce is delicious on sausages and bacon.

Lunch at Congee Noodle House. Mmmmmm.

Very small Japanese van. Imagine a dumpster with bigger wheels.

And finally, an apology and retraction of my previous rant about the evils of Nintendo. My bad. Do I really have to wait til Christmas to play with it?

Friday, November 9, 2007

My Week

Imagine my week as this bottle. Bite the neck off the bottle. Chew the glass thoroughly and swallow. Tomorrow morning, pass the glass. That was my week from Monday to Friday. But hey, it's Friday, it's a long weekend, and I've got a freshly opened bottle of Dutch goodness. I'm thinking positive.

You Know Your Currency Is In Trouble When...

Want a sign that the US dollar is in trouble? In his new video for the song Blue Magic, rapper Jay-Z flashes a wad of 500 Euro notes instead of $100 US bills. Ouch.

Dear Starbucks

Would it be too much to ask of your barristas to actually put my pre-paid card back into my hand rather than onto the counter right in front of them? I realize my arms are generally longer than theirs but is a little nicety too much to ask? Not that I don't enjoy crawling over the wall of retail items that crowd your till area, but saving me that little climb, treating me like I'm not a smelly street person but actually providing you with pay cheque, that would be nice.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Uterus Onesies

Just in case they're homesick?

By Etsy

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Our Blog Doesn't Suck!

And that's official, according to Technorati. Technorati "is the recognized authority on what's happening on the World Live Web, right now," and is "currently tracking 111.3 million blogs." Guess where we rate? That's right, 8, 911, 336! Ok, so there's almost 9 million cooler blogs than ours, but that also means there are over 102 million that are worse. I don't know what to say, I... I need a moment.

And to think I started this blog with the sole purpose of keeping my family up to date on the happenings of our little family. And yes, that's because we suck at calling, but I think you're missing the point here. And really, nobody in my family looks at this anyway. Well, except for mom on occasion. And any family member who'd like to deny this... I'm running a stat counter. I can see where my visitors are coming from. THEY ARE NOT COMING FROM WHERE YOU LIVE. But whatever, it's all good. I know somebody out there likes us, otherwise we'd be back there with those 102, 388, 664 losers.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I Don't Want To Be Pretty!

I Don't Want To Be Pretty from Zoo Keeper on Vimeo.

Where's The Wii?

We decided to get a Nintendo Wii for the boys this Christmas. They love video games but Dad's Xbox is a little too gratuitously violent for their young and impressionable minds. The Wii has lots of children related games and is a lot more interactive than other systems. Don't get me wrong, we're not trying to raise couch sloths here, but the kids need something to do during the day. It started raining on the September long weekend and it won't stop until May. There's only so much they can do outside in this weather.

Anyway, just try finding a Wii right now. I've checked all the flyers for Future Shop, Bestbuy, Walmart yadda yadda yadda, nobody has them. They have the games and various controllers but not the actual system. Even the online stores don't have them. You can order them off Amazon but they're starting at $100 more than their normal price, and you have to wait.

So yes, I have well over a month before Christmas, but you know what's going to happen. Nintendo is probably sitting on tonnes of them but they're going to hold off until December before dumping them back on the market so they can build up media hype. Thanks bastards. I really want to be one of those suckers fighting Xmas traffic, parking lots and last minute hype shoppers. November the 7th and I'm already feeling the spirit of Christmas. : P

Monday, November 5, 2007

This does not bode well for the future

C'mon Connor, don't be a woose, we won't get caught.

I dunno know Liam, I can't read it, but the sign has red on it. Red means stop.

Why I Need An iPhone

College Humour

Hollywood Writers Strike


WTF?! We're only two months into the new tv season! Shouldn't these people be an essential service or something like doctors and the police?

"It's a Fat world after all..."

I heard this on the radio this morning and nearly peed my pants. Disney is shutting down the "It's a small world" ride this January because it's average rider is too fat for the boats to handle anymore. The boats are actually sinking when they hit the bottom. They're also planning on looking at several other rides that are running slower than normal. Just in case you don't believe me, go ahead and check out the NY Times link.

Daylight Freakin' Savings Time

It's 4:57am and I don't see any goddamned daylight! I have this special button on my alarm clock that shifts the time an hour ahead or an hour behind depending on the time of year. Turns out it also sets my alarm time back an hour as well.

Note to General Electric (maker of my clock): nice innovation with the time shift thing, but why the F*&@ would I want my alarm time changed?!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Saturday Afternoon, part five: Out to Lunch

So full of energy, life, vigour and only half the day gone! I got home from my ride to discover Bern sitting on the floor of our room glassy-eyed and drooling. I recognized the destructive work of my child-demons. I offered to take them out of the house for awhile so she could detox but she decided taking them out for lunch at the White Spot would be a good idea. Less work for us and we could let them burn off some energy in the kids' area at the mall. So lunch went like this:

GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW! from Zoo Keeper on Vimeo.

I left the restaurant with chicken quesedilla in my stomach, a headache, and a little less of my soul. Then came the play area. Large groups of children are much like dogs or cats that have been left to the wild. They turn feral and dangerous. Turn your back for a second or show a hint of weakness and they're on you like jackals fighting for the tender bits.

Almost bath time and then bed for the kids. I don't think we have anything to drink in the house but I'm sure Bern has some cooking wine somewhere.

Saturday Morning, part four: Not So Lazy

Not so lazy from Zoo Keeper on Vimeo.

This was at about 10:30 this morning. Two minutes later I rode past about a 100 ducks and seagulls. They started taking off as I got close to them and I'd regretted putting the camera away since that would have made a really cool video. Then it started raining duck shit and I was very glad I didn't have video evidence of me squealing like a little girl.

Saturday Morning, part three: Domestic Interlude

9:40am That's penguin number one and penguin number 8. If you're looking for clarification you'll have to ask Liam. Last night at 10pm while he sat in bed with us still WIDE awake they were penguins one and two.

Just in case you're wondering if this lazy bastard is going to do anything today, I'll have you know that I've already done a load of laundry, washed the dishes, the sink, the counters, the top of the stove and made sure the boys were fed/changed/peed and kept from killing each other. Might even drag my ass out for a bike ride after Bern wakes up. So piss off. What have you done today?

Must have had a good nights sleep since I'm feeling some energetic/creative. Or maybe it's just the amphetamines.

Saturday Morning, part two: Cool Stuff

If you have some time to spare, check out this. And come on, it's Saturday morning, what else are you going to do? I'm sitting in front of my computer drinking coffee and eating cholcolate chips while I let a DVD player babysit my children. Don't judge me. It's basically a friendly competition between two graphic artists or group of artists done on-line in real time. It's all done in Adobe Illustrator. The first artist, in this case Marian Bantjes, comes up with an idea then sends it off to the other artist, Armin Vit who the puts his own spin on it then sends it back. Commentary is provided by Heather Armstrong of Dooce. Take a few minutes, it's pretty cool.

Saturday Morning, part one: A New Hope

8:16am After breakfast this morning Connor asked if he could watch a movie. As I was about to ask whether he wanted Happy Feet or Mighty Machines he hands me Star Wars. I had to wipe away the tears so I could find the open/close door on the DVD player. Sigh. One minute you want to post them on Craig's List, then next you just want to hug them and never let go.

Thursday, November 1, 2007